That's how Scott puts it anyway. I had another interesting conversation with the boy. Apperantly, he hasn't had an orgasm in a month. Seriously. No masterbations, no sex, no nothing. I have no idea how he's done it. But, he claims he has. He started out not really having much of a reason. He just wanted to see how long he could go. And now . . . now he's getting all mystical and stuff. How he's had somekind of re-awakening or something and he sees things in a different light. And now he wants to wait until he has sex again to orgasm. And not just any random girl either, with a girl that means something . . . Will he actually do that? I don't know. He doesn't have the greatest track record. I mean, get him drunk and it'll probably all go out the window . . . but maybe not. It seems like a noble, and worthwhile cause, I suppose. He doesn't want to have meaningless sex anymore. Maybe I got through to him or something. I don't know. But, the most interesting thing is . . . Scott's talked me into trying it as well . . .
So, yeah, as of a half an hour ago, I swore off masterbation and meaningless sex. And, hopefully, that pledge will last until I go visit Nick in a little over a month. To a cetain extent it seems kind of romantic that I'm "saving myself" until I'm with him again. Then again, maybe it's just crazy. I don't know. But it seems like its worth a shot (No pun intended). So, I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I really don't. Scott says the first week is the hardest, but after that you get used to it and you become less sexually minded in general and it stops mattering so much. Like jacking off is an addictive drug. Maybe it is. Steve is coming over tomorrow and is locking up all the porn on my computer with a password. You know, so I don't get tempted by it. And tehre certainly is a lot of it . . . More than a gigabyte . . . seriosuly . . . So, here's to saving myself for Nick . . . Let's hope I'm strong enough to do it.
In other news . . . My Hair is RED!!!! BOOYA!!!! Not red as in orange, but red as in red. Dark red. Well, streaks of dark red in my already near black hair. It looks pretty freaking cool. Well, if it stays like this, it will. I washed it out once and some of my bangs were still blonde . . . so I put some more in and rubbed it into my hair until my hands started to cramp, and I'm leaving it in for quite a while, so, hopefully, it'll stay. Hopefully. Light red hair isn't nearly as fun as dark red hair. And I look DAMN sexy right now too. I would so do me . . . except not because I'm waiting. But yeah, Tabby helped me bleach and dye it. I conned my parents into buying the supplies b/c I have no money . . . he he he . . . Tabby cetainly took an interesting approach to bleaching my hair. I'm not really sure how to describe it. But most of the top of my head was bleached, so I guess it looks more like highlights, but it stll has some streaks to it. It looks pretty decent. PLEASE STICK TO MY HAIR!!!!
I'm getting glasses soon. Yay! I'll be able to see without my eyes burning! YAY!!
I taught Tabby how to play Risk 2210 tonight. She was pretty decent at it. She would've kicked my ass if I hadn't "forgotten" to tell her some of the rules. But she started losing interest once I started winning. That's how Risk usually goes, I guess. But she wants to play again sometime. That's awesome. And some guys next door saw we were playing and they got all excited too. They had never seen 2210 and though it looked really cool. Well, duh, that's because it is really cool. Yay for getting people hooked on cool nerdy stuff!
So yeah, my whole "making out with girls" adventure at the cast party has made me think a bit. Well, a lot, I guess. Mostly about re-evaluating my sexuality. I was making out with girls and . . . enjoying it. Why? It makes no sense to me. Am I suddenly bi-sexual? Is there a possibility that I might be able to marry a woman and have a family and life will be easy? It made me think a lot. Right now I can honestly say that I do not find a woman sexually attractive. And I certainly find men sexually attractive. So, why do I enjoy kissing women? Why? I mean, there's really not much of a difference between kissing a girl and kissing a guy, except guys tend to be scratchier and like tounge more. So, I guess if they kiss similarly, then I could potentially get just as much out of kissing a girl, right? I don't know. And that leads to other questions like, if I don't mind kissing, what else won't I mind? And vaginas are seeming a lot less repulsive than they had in the past. I mean, I'm sure as hell not turned on by one, but they seem . . . intriguing . . . I've actually downloaded some straight porn recently, and . . . well . . . I can get off to it . . .
Sure, there are guys in it . . . but seeing the women doesn't ruin it . . . This is really confusing me. I mean, I know I am attracted to guys. I am fine with that and I'm comfortable. But, this is an interesting new development . . . I really don't know what to make of it. On one hand, if I can not mind making out with other girls, then why are straight guys so opposed to making out with other guys? Is it just the way society works and there's so much pressure from everywhere that tells them they can't or they'll be gay? Is it merely because it's accepted for me to make out with girls that I do? Or is it because I actually am bisexual? ARgh. I don't think I am. I mean, I am attracted to men. Not sexually interested in women. I want to end up with a man someday. Being with a man just feels right. So, I'm confused. Am I just more secure with myself that I can be open to other things, or what? I am soooo confused.
But I'm keeping Kori up, and I'm getting tired. I still have dye in my hair . . . damnit . . . ummm . . . I think I'll just put on that cap and leave the dye in overnight . . . I'll see if that's safe first, but I'm leaving regardless.
Eric 5/08/2003 03:51:00 AM
