That is a really dumb title. Seriously. I can't believe that I just typed that. I mean, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I mean, while my blogs are scattered, they are hardly random, and "Blogginess"? Good god I'm a dork. And you know what, I'm too lazy to think of something to replace it with. So, the idiotic title remains!
I need one of those comment thingies. They look like fun!!
So, yeah, I haven't blogged in a while. I don't know why. Well, yeah I do. It's not like I don't want to blog. I do. It's just that I've been surprisingly busy lately with shit, and by the time I'm done with my shit, I'm too exhausted to blog . . . hence the lack of blogs. But, yeah, so I'm blogging again, becuase I have time. Well, not really, but I'm making time. You see, I have yet another speech tomorrow. It's my last one. And guess how much work I've done on it? That's right. Absilutely nothing. And what time is it? It's after 2:00 a.m. That means I have less than 9 hours to research, type, and prepare and practice my speech before I give it. Am I doing that? Hell no. I'm blogging! Yay for blogging! I'm going to get up at 8:30 and do my speech.
Inner Conscience: NO ERIC!!! YOU WON'T FINISH IT!!!! YOU NEVER ACTUALLY GET UP TO DO HOMEWORK WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL!!!!!
Me: Very true, inner conscience. But, you see, I am not actually making this speech. I am merely giving the speech that Steve has already prepared for me. He even has a nice little power point for me to use. I merely have to swap names and type an outline, and BOOYA!!! A speech!! And as for the getting up thing, I kinda have to, b/c I need to call Steve to get his sources. OR rather, the names of his sources so I can cite them for my made up statistics.
Inner Conscience: BUT ERIC!!!! THAT'S CHEATING!!!!! AND PLAGARISM!!!!!! THAT'S JUST WRONG!!!!!! YOU WON'T LEARN ANYTHING!!!!
Me: Au contre' Inner Conscience. You see, I am already a kick ass public speaker. And I have demonstrated on 2 occasions already that I can create a half-assed speech in an hour and get a decent grade. You see, this public speaking class is a joke. It is a waste of my time. My ohhhh so valuable time that could be better spent . . . say . . . sleeping, or eating, or playing PlayStation2. I have public speaking down. I seriously should've tried extemp when I did forensics. I could've kicked ass. And besides, I'm not going to get caught because Steve doesn't go to Dana. And I'm citing all the sources. It's not like this is all Steve's info. I'm just saying what he said, and he was nice enough to do all the research and put all the info into a nice little presentation. Thanks Steve!!! You're the greatest!!!!
So, there you have it. I'm a cheater, yeah, but I'm not cheating on anything that's important, so it's ok . . . I guess. Oh well, if I actually cared, if it was actually worth caring about, I wouldn't be cheating. That's my philosophy anyway.
You know my little Re-Transformation thingy? Yeah . . . I have to start over again . . . god I'm weak . . .
So I had a blast this weekend. I hung out with Steve on Friday, hung out with, well, everyone on Saturday, while crashing two graduation parties. I sang on Saunday and went to another graduation party. Yay for graduation parties. Steve and I have decided that every year, during May, we are going to spend our weekends crashing graduation parties and eat all the free food. We are going to save sooooo much money this way. And we'll both be starving artists, so it's neccesary. So, yeah, congrats to all the Skuttites that graduated this weekend. You guys are awesome and I'm really proud to be your friend. Thanks for the cake!
Sunday was particularly eventful. You see, in the middle of my chorale concert, I look out into the audience and who do I see? Scott! I was so surprised that he actually came to a concert. I was really excited and happy that he came. He had never been to one before despite all my urgings, and so I didn't even tell him about this one b/c I figured he'd be busy and couldn't come. But there he was! Unfortunately, I he left before I could talk to him. But I needed a ride to Alan's party, so I fugured I'd ask Scott to go see X-Men 2 and then we could swing by Alan's party before the movie. Scott was busy, for a while, so, luckily, Steve was able to come and get me (Steve is really a great guy). Anyway, around 8:00 I called Scott back and we picked a movie time. Steve and Jason wanted to come along, and although I had wanted it to be just a Scott-and-me evening, I said they could because they're nice and I didn't want to hurt their feelings by saying no. So, after much hell at my house, we make it to the movie theater and wait for Scott. As he pulls up I notice he is not alone in his car. After thinking I moment, I know who it is before he even parks . . . He brought Katrina . . .
I was irritated beyond belief. Here I was hoping to spend quality time with Scott, and he brings along a DATE! I decided I shouldn't be too judgemental because, after all, I did bring Steve and Jason. But it made the situation incredibly awkward. Katrina is a nice girl, and she's one of my friends, but . . . it just wasn't something I was expecting . . . or wanting. I'm still not completely sure about this Scott/Katrina romance thing. Something about it just seems wrong. Really wrong. I honestly don't believe that Scott likes her as a person. I truly don't. I'm having a really hard time believing a word that comes out of his mouth . . . Which is understandable, considering the previous weekend's events. My view of him is very different now. I suppose I can honestly say that I am no longer in love with him, but, there are still some feelings there. There was still a pang of jealousy when I look over during the movie and saw Scott and Katrina holding hands. It hurt, and I'm not entirely sure why. He is not who I thought he was. I mean, he is, but he isn't. It's hard to explain. He's not as . . . good as I thought he was . . . He's a much weaker person than I ever believed. I guess I always understood he wasn't perfect, but I never realized that he doesn't care about that, and he's not willing to try to correct his flaws. He doesn't strive to be a better person, and that is something that I just cannot stand. It's a flaw I cannot live with or be around with any comfort.
But he is still Scott. And he still has all the wonderful traits that attracted me to him in the first place. So, I'm always going to love him on some level, I suppose. It's just that now I realize that he's not the one for me, and that I couldn't ever spend the rest of my life with him. I think this is a big step for me. It really is.
But, back to the evening, I was really glad that I brought Steve and Jason along, because they made it much less awkward. It was just dissappointing that my Scott/Eric hangout evening was more like a Scott/Katrina date that happened to be at the same place as Steve, Jason, and I. Scott and Katrina pretty much stuck to themselves. Scott would lean over and ask me questions about what was going on in the movie all the time, but that was as far as any communication between us went. After the movie, I rode back to Dana with Scott and Katrina. I seriosuly felt like the third wheel. I was pretty much ignored while Scott told Katrina about all the times he's gotten so drunk he passed out, and Katrina giggled and said he was sooooo funny. God that was irritating. Granted, I drink, but I don't drink to make myself sick and then tell everyone how cool it was, and I don't giggle and think it's funny either. That just seems really retarded. So, I ws annoyed, and I decided to try and nap on the way back so I didn't have to listen to them be morons. But just as I was nodding off, Scott smacks me and tells me to wake up. I ask why, and he just says I need to stay awake. Then he continued his pathetic attempts to impress Katrina with his stupidity, so I tried to go back to sleep. So he smacked me again . . .
Let me get this straight . . . I'm tired, and he wants me to stay awake so I can listen to him ignore me and flirt with a girl? That is just ridiculous. But by this time we were nealy to Blair, so I just looked out the window. After a brief stop at No Frills, Scott decided that he and Katrina would hang out in my room. I let them and I talked to people online whle they continued their moronic flirt fest. It was seriously making me sick . . . Finally they left. That was nice.
So, yeah, I'm definitely not feeling as close to Scott as I once was. At all. I just can't trust him or believe a word he says. He's filled me with too much doubt. And that's not a good thing for a friendship. He said something about us going into Omaha tomorrow to get the new 3rd Eye Blind CD. I wonder if he'll actually remember that, or if he'll just go by himself whenever he wants to . . . It'll probably be the later. I don't have a lot of faith in him anymore.
Oh, and remember how excited I was that he came to the concert? Well, he didn't come see the concert because I was there. He came because Katrina was there, which really ticks me off. I mean, we've been friends for 2 years now, and he's never come to a concert, and all of a sudden he shows up because of Katrina? That's just a slap in the face. Seriously. I probably shouldn't be so offended, because it's not like I've been to any wrestling tournaments. But he never asked me to go to any. So it's a little different. He's an ass. I need to get him out of my head once and for all.
And that's all for tonight. It's late and I need sleep so I can get up and copy my speech tomorrow morning . . .
Eric 5/13/2003 02:53:00 AM
