So I'm on my break at work today, and Todd (my manager) calls me over to get the phone. On it is my dad, who says that I had a doctors appointment at 3:30 (oh, it's 4:00 now, by the way). I said "Ummmm . . . no I don't" And he tells me, yes I do, the doctor's office just called. Then he said that Sharon (my therapist) can see me at 6:30 instead. I say ok, because, well, things have sucked lately, and now she can tell me how to make them better. So I go back to work, and tell Todd I'm gonna have to get off at 6:00 instead of 7:30, so I can go to my appoinment. And he starts bitching, because Todd's a dick like that. Well, anyway, my dad calls back and says that Sharon called him back and explained that I really wasn't scheduled for today, so I didn't have to come in. So I told him that, actually, I really do need to come in.
So, that whole mess got taken care of. And despite Todd's bitching, I got off at 6:00 and went to my appointment. So I went, and I told Sharon about my little relapse, and then I talked about how I"m trying to meet people, but none of the gay guys in omaha will give me the time of day unless I have sex with them. Then we talked about meds and how and when I'm going to get off them, and about what's going to go on at school, etc. It really wasn't anything big. I just feel like I can cope with stuff better after talking to her. It's odd. Oh! And she told me how the whole situation with Nick was shady to begin with (which it was) and how all these thing are little lessons that I can learn from and use to make decisions in the future about what I do and don't want. So, yeah, that's that.
I mean, I still like Nick, sure, but . . . it won't be as devastating if nothing happens there anymore. I need to move on. And I'm trying to . . . but no gay boy in Omaha, besides Steve will give me the time of day.
Well, I suppose that's not entirley true. I have been talking to this guy named Kody. He messages me all the time, but doesn't talk much. He seems cool when we get conversations going, but, well, they always tend to fall off. IM conversations tend to do that. I"ve suggested meeting in person and hanging out, and all he had to say to that was "possibly". Oh well. Whatever.
And recently a guy named Dan IMed me. He seems nice enough, but he's "questioning". So, he's not out yet. Plus he's in Wayne, which is nowhere near here. Oh well. I guess I'll take what I can get.
I didn't try to call Nick today. I was going to, but I figured, "what's the point?" Maybe I'll try tomorrow. I don't know. Discouragement sucks.
Work is odd in that it's rather boring at times and it gives me a lot of time to just sit and think. After all, filling bags with food doesn't require that much concentration. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about my life lately, and how I need to do something differernt. And while I'm bored at work I think and I get so full of motivation to get out and go to the gym or clean my room, or go call people and stuff. But when I get off, I'm just exhausted and feel so tired I can't pry my ass up off the couch. It's rather annoying.
But, yeah, I need to go to the gym. And I need a tan. If I had those two things, I would be all set. I would be attractive and the gay boys in Omaha would actually give me the time of day again. So, yeah. Gym, tan, start screaming my name. Otherwise I'm never going to find you. And that's a fact.
I talked to Jason. He agreed to work out with me. Then again, Steve did too, and that went nowhere. Jason, you better live up to that . . . or else . . .
And my mom and I are going to get piercings tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm going to do something different to myself, which is exactly what I need. I"m getting two. My left lobe and right cartilage. Considering right lobe and cartilage, but we'll see what happens.
