I had my psychologist appoinment today. And, of course, a large part of the session was about Nick. I told her what happened last night, and she had some very insightful things to say.
Nick now has a history of being dishonest. How will I know if/when he is telling the truth? He is going to have to earn that trust back before we can have any sort of relationship.
Nick hurt me. He may have said it was unintentional, or was trying to spare me further pain, but he still hurt me. Being in a relationship where one partner is consistently caused pain is not a good thing regardless of whether the pain was intentional or not. I'm going to have to be very careful with Nick in the future.
She is still very suspect of the relationship and would like to see me hook up with someone without quite as much . . . emotional baggage, I guess, but she'll help me deal with whatever comes along. Which is what she's being paid for . . . but she's really cool.
Anyway, I'm glad I talked to her because now I realize that there are still a few points that need to be discussed between Nick and myself. And I still believe that the pushing me away was as much to prevent his own pain as it was for mine. He's going to have to open up to me. If he can't, then, well, we can't have anything.
So, basically, although things are better between us, I am still very cautious and guarded when it comes to this boy for the time being. So, all of you who still have a bad opinion of Nick, well, I can't really tell you not to. He has a lot to make up to me for his shitty actions. When he does, then I'll tell you all to lighten up. But I appreciate you all looking out for me, and please continue to do so until Nick completely shapes up.
I want to do something with him this weekend . . . I wonder what . . . he probably already has plans . . . but I might as well try anyway.
Eric 9/11/2003 12:18:00 AM
