I've had it. I thought we got things talked out on Tuesday.
Guess not.
And I'm done with the bullshit. I really am.
I just got done talking to Nick, by the way. If you couldn't figure it out.
He tells me to call him the next day. I call him, but he can't talk b/c he's hanging out with a friend. I call the next day, and no one answers the phone. I call last night. Well, he's going to a party, but I should call him Saturday to see if he's doing anything.
I call him today.
He's going to go get drunk with his friends tonight. He doesn't know when we'll get a chance to hang out.
Clue #1, buddy: YOU MAKE THE FUCKING TIME!!!
Is it really that difficult to figure out? No, it's not. And Nick's a smart boy. I'm sure he realizes this. So why the continuation of assyness and manipulating tests when he said he'd stop?
I have no fucking clue.
Maybe he genuinely would rather hang out with his friends. If he does, yeah, it sucks, but if he'd just tell me, I wouldn't have been wasting my fucking life chasing after him.
And if it's more of the manipulating games, I'm done with that shit. I will not be manipulated and toyed with just so that he can feel in control and safe.
Because that's what it all boils down to.
He's afraid. He won't let me get close to him because he's afraid. So, he'd rather be with his shallow, partying friends who want nothing more than get drunk, party, and get in his pants.
Because then he doesn't have to open himself up to anyone.
Right after he said, "I'm not sure when we're gonna have time . . ." I interrupted him and I told him that I was done. That I had been trying to make this work for 5 months. I've been working very hard, and he hasn't done shit. And that if he really cares, and wants something, then he can call me. But I'm done chasing after him. When he's done being an asshole, he can call me.
But managed to get out a "But . . ." somewhere in the beginning. But I just talked right over that and hung up the phone before he could say another word.
It felt good to tell him off for a second.
But then I felt like shit, and have been feeling like shit since.
Because I'm really worried that that might have been the last time I talk to him.
But why should I care? He's been a fucking manipulative prick.
