I was talking to Scott after class today, and he asked about my weekend. So, I told him. And he actually made me feel better. He told me, just like other people that I don't deserve that crap and I can do much better. And then he went on to tell me how he thought Nick was kinda wierd and annoying when he met him last Tuesday.
It got me thinking. Nick was rather irritating when we were around Scott and Katrina. It was like he was putting on an act. Like he was trying to hard to impress them, and it came off as . . . incincere. I remember Nick saying something about how he doesn't open up to people. He puts on this fascade to make people like him, but they don't get to know him.
In the car that evening, he told me that lots of people fall for him because he's such a "charmer". Yeah, whatever Nick. You're fake. That's what you are. You present a fake persona to the world because you fear people disliking you so much. And when someone comes along that has actually seen the real you and wants you to reveal your true self more, you get uncomfortable. Afterall, if you act like yourself other people are bound to notice, and they might not like you.
It's sad. It really is.
Once upon a time, I got a glimpse of the real Nick. That's the person I fell for. But that's the person he's trying to hide. He's to scared to be himself. I tried to help him. I tried way more than he deserved, but in the end, he was too frightened.
And that's not someone that I want to be with.
Maybe someday, when he actually grows up a little and realizes that he doesn't need to put on a fake persona, maybe then we can actually have something. But that bull-shit isn't something I want to deal with right now. I gave him a chance, and he turned his back on it.
His loss. Not mine.
I'm the strong one. I can go through life being myself, and I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not so people will like me. I pity him.
But I no longer feel the need to sit around and wait for him. He's the one with the problem he has to face and deal with. I've already dealt with my own problems and now I can start living my life and being happy.
I guess I was just too good for you, Nick. Your loss. Call me when you grow up.
Eric 9/15/2003 11:05:00 PM
