So I got a note in my mailbox today. It said that my World Civilizations teacher wants me to be withdrawn from class due to my lack of attendance. But, you see, if I do not take that class, then I will no longer be a full-time student, which means that I will lost all my scholarships, I will no longer be able to stay in the dorms, and I will not be able to participate in any activities (good-bye theater and choir). So, I'm totally fucked.
It's completely my fault. I have just been finding that getting my ass out of bed has been ridiculously difficult, and I don't know why. It's never been so difficult before. I know it just sounds like I'm lazy, but I seriously can not get my self out of bed. It's like I'm in some altered state of consciousness when my alarm goes off, and I can't think clearly, and I make myself go back to sleep when I should be getting up and going to class. Honestly, it's really starting to worry me. It's like I have some sleeping disorder.
But aside from that, there may be a chance that I won't be practically kicked out of school in the same fashion my roommate from freshman year was. The note tells me to contact my instructor as soon as possible. I'm assuming that he wants an explanation for my abscences before a finaly decision is made. So, all I have to do is beg, plead, and embellish the truth. A lot. Let's hope it works . . .
So, yeah, I'm definitely typing this at 5:30 in the morning. Why? B/c my wireless connection was a piece of shit last night. It would work for 5 minutes, then cut out for 15 minutes. It just wasn't worth continually trying to hook it up again. Since it's working now, I'm assuming that it's disconnecting has something to do with the number of users on the network . . . which means that the network is really shitty if it can't handle the measly number of students that this school has. Computer services better get its ass in gear.
And to my utter shock, I actually woke up at 5:00. Why? I don't know. I actually fell asleep around 1:00 because I wan't dealing with the fucking wireless network. But that's only 4 hours of sleep, so why would I wake up now? I don't get my biological clock. I wake up 5 hours early or 5 hours late.
And finally, I got a call last night. From the last person I expected to: Nick. He said he was about to message me online, but I logged off. He said he just wanted to say hi before he went to bed and see how I was doing. We had a brief 5 minute conversation, and then we said goodnight. It was good, I guess. I'm just still in shock. Sharon said he'd probably contact me again, but I honestly wasn't expecting it. So, now my mind is running through the various possibilities that this could mean. Is he sorry? Is he ready to actually work at a relationship? Does he want to still be friends? Is he just trying to use me for something? Am I being manipulated? What? I don't get it. I mean, I'm glad he called. Really, I am. I'm just struggling to keep myself from being too glad. I'm not going to let myself be so vulnerable to him again, unless he's just as vulnerable to me. Besides, I'm trying to get other guys in my life right now. Other guys who are much more honest, and one who has revealed Nick for the liar he is. So why am I suddenly so ready to jump back for Nick? Why do I feel the urge to dump the new guys and chase after Nick again? I'm doing everything I can to stop that. My psyche is all kinds of fucked up.
And now I'm going to try and go back to sleep. I've got quite a while before I actually have to be up.
Eric 9/23/2003 05:50:00 AM
