But god, do I hate it. It's too slow. Much, much, much too slow.
Sharon basically told me today that I'm not going to have a relationship anytime soon, so I need to concentrate on other aspects of my life. And even if something does come along, it probably wouldn't be healthy and would end badly because the whole thing is too difficult in my position. I spend my week in Blair, and unless I date anyone in Blair, I wouldn't see him except on weekends. And having a weekends relationship isn't realistic and wouldn't be based on reality and wouldn't conform to my life at all. So, I need to be patient until I'm in a position to actually have a relationship.
And, well, she's completely right, but that was sooooo not the answer I was hoping for. I've been patient for 6 fucking years. And everyone I know has had a relationship before they're 20. I am sooooo sick of seeing other people happy and knowing that I can't have that. and that I have to be patient. God, it makes me gag.
Fucking Omaha gay boys. You can all go to hell. Yeah, fuck you all. Especially ones named Nick. You can all burn in hell.
I have a lot of rage. Too much rage. It's not a very good thing.
Ok, change of thinking: God, please give me patience. If I can't have direction, give me patience to deal with this huge gaping hole in my life. And please, please, let it be filled someday. I'm begging you.
Eric 10/01/2003 11:53:00 PM
