So, yeah, and even longer time no blog. Living at my house is . . . not good for my sanity. You see, I very rarely get any privacy at all. The only place I do is in my room, and even then, it's only late at night when everyone is asleep. And the only computer hooked up to the internet is in the kitchen. So, due to a lack of privacy, and endless fighting and bickering over the use of the computer, I haven't really been able to blog and get things out of my head and stuff. Ugggghhh, it has not been fun.
So yeah, despite many weeks passing, I haven't really done much. Why? Well, you see, this medication thing. When it works, taking it is the last thing on my mind, so I don't take it regularly. Two weeks later, I feel like shit. I lose motivation and become anti-social. So, for the past few weeks, I've gone to work, and come home to go to bed. Even if I don't sleep, I just lay there, b/c life isn't worth doing anything else. People have invited me to go do stuff, but I feel so down that I just can't make myself get up to go do things. The only times I've been out is when people come over to pick me up. So yeah, fun break . . .
In recent news, I had a brief crush on a co-worker at BK. Everyone told me he was gay, and he's hella hot, so against my better judgement, I became attracted to him and ceased to be able to concentrate whenever we worked together. He says he likes to hang out with gay guys and find it flattering when they hit on him, but he is not gay. Goddamn, I know how to pick 'em, don't I? It's like I have to fall for every closeted guy out there for crying out loud. Well, at least this time, I've been able to make it go away faster. Sure I'd fuck his brains out in a second, but at least I'm not drooling over him anymore.
And I went to visit Bethany. Good times, but the week flew by faaaar too fast. We didn't really do too much. just kinda hung out at her apartment for most of the time where I developed an appreciation for Lifetime movies and country music. Oh, Gracie's Choice is FAAAAAR better than The Wrong Girl. Just so you all know. Anyway, I met her bf, Nate, who actually seems like a really cool guy. I mean, he's a FF fan, and owns medieveal swords. What's not to like? But they both seem to fit together really well and I'm happy for them. It was kinda awkward at first. Then again, it would've been awkward without him there. I mean, I hadn't seen her in more than a year. So, it took me a little while to really warm up to her again,a s bad as that sounds. But yeah . . . I don't know what I'm saying. I'm reambling. Blah, blah . . . thoughts swriling . . . yadaa
Ok, enough of that. My brain is going bonkers at the moment. Very odd. Bethany, I love you, and I can not wait until we graduate so we can be together more often!
And that leads me to the present. I need to deit, quite badly. Even my metabolism can't handle eating little more than BK twice a day, everyday, and laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I need to go to the gym. I need to eat better. But it's sooooo freaking difficult to find the motivation! God! I tried just not eating. And I actually succeeded for about a day, but I didn't last very long once I got to work. My willpower just isn't strong enough in the face of actual food. I'm sure if I could just hide from it, I could pull it off, but that's hard to do at work. Then I thought about just, ya know, regurgitating what I eat. And, well, after getting sick at Bethany's (drinking games are not the best for lightweights) I realized how thoroughly unpleasant puking really is. Sooooo, bulemia's out. So, there's no easy way to lose weight, soooooo . . . what? Kori said she'd help me when I get back to school . . . but I need to be skinny and hot and buff now. I can't stand being like this. I seriously have felt guilty and shitty all day for eating at work. I can't stand this. ARRGH!
