And this actually doesn't have anything to do with a lack of a significant other on Valentine's day, either. I feel like I have a complete lack of support. Like I have no friends.
And I know this is silly. I know that I have friends, and quite a few of them.
So why do I feel like I don't?
This evening started out great. I went to a comedy club, watched a couple hilarious comedians, and hung out with friends from Dana. I had a great time.
Then I went to the animation show at the Dundee where "Nerdcore" was going as well, and we met up.
I thought I was going to have an even better time, being surrounded by my two closest groups of friends.
But that wasn't the case. At all.
Quite the opposite, in fact. I felt like noone knew I was there at all. Hell, the only ones who actually noticed I was there were Jason and Liz. Steve walked right passed me, and only turned around when Tabby called after him. Tabby, Joe, and I waited for 20 minutes for them so we could sit together, and they just took their own seats, and Tabby, Joe, and I just kind of sat by ourselves.
We watched the movie, which was great. And afterwards, they all got up and ran off. Jason paused long enough to hand me my chirstmas present, and they all drove away.
Nice to see you guys, too.
And so I'm in the car with Joe and Tabby, thinking that we were going to go to IHOP, like we had planned and hang out for a little while longer. Tabby said to ask Joe. I asked Joe. He said he was "ok". Whatever that meant.
So, we drove, and apperantly neither Tabby nor Joe were interested in hanging out at IHOP anymore, even though I had told them that I was offering to pay for it. So, I just let Tabby take me home.
And here I am. Wondering why it feels like I've been abandoned by my two closest groups of friends.
Being left out of things this winter break . . . broke something, I think. Something wore away. I guess they just got used to not having me around, and they've all moved on, I guess.
It's natural, I guess. People grow apart sometimes. I was just hoping that it would be a bit longer, since we're in the same city and all . . .
But, hell, I've grown apart from all my other friends once they graduate high school and go to college; why should nerdcore be any different?
And this probably wouldn't be an issue right now, but that bullshit bobby told me about rides left so many doubts in my mind, that my trust for people has faded a lot.
Jason invited me to go to an SAD party at Liz's tomorrow. I'm supposed to do something with John, but considering his track record, I doubt it'll atually happen. So, I'll most likely be free.
But I am very hesitant about going. Do they really want me there, or was it just some gesture made for old times sake ? I just really can't be sure. I'll probably go and be ignored the whole time and be completely miserable. They'll probably have more fun without me there.
Without me sucking the life out of the party.
B/c that's what I do. I'm boring, and I'm quiet, and whenever I'm around people, they get quiet and boring too. Just like in the car with Tabby and Joe. Just like whenever I try to go on a date. Like whenever I try to do anything with anyone. How can I blame people for being tired of me being around when I'm so FUCKING BORING?
Anti-depressants . . . you can kick in any second now . . .
Eric 2/14/2004 02:17:00 AM
