I can't think of a title. I'm too lazy/bored/depressed/frustrated/irritated/angry/tired to come up with one. So sue me.
Valentine's Day is a crock of shit. Who's brilliant idea was it to have a national holiday for people in relationships to flaunt said relationships in single people's faces? The whole ideea just reeks of jealousy and resentment. It was probably some jack-asses' excuse to make a holiday for people to buy holiday crap. Fuck them. Fuck relationships. Fuck everything.
I went to work today and got to listen to my male coworkers and manager brag about how they were going to have soooo much sex tonight. That, on top of being sick, and on top of still being upset over last night made me quite volatile. Of course I had to take orders in drive-through and it was all I could do not to kill something. And then Zuhair comes in to work, still wearing those ass-hugging pants that make me drool, reminding me all the more how I can't have him, how I can't have anyone, making me feel THAT mch more lonely. Then he says that I should go "get laid tonight" . . . After he saw the look on my face, he apologized and said he was just joking around, and gave me a hug . . . damn hot boys who give me hugs . . . damn all hot boys . . .
And I came home. I didn't expect John to call. I figured he'd blow me off again, so I got online to see if I could catch him there. He was online, but whether or not he was at his computer is still unknown. I sent messages telling him to call me so I didn't waste my whole evening waiting for him . . . no calls, no nothing. I'm done with that boy. He's gone the way of the infamous Nick and is off my buddy list so I don't have to be haunted by the fact that I've been rejected once again.
So I took a nap. Life is so much more bearable when you're unconsious. If only I could just knock myself out at will . . . that would be nice. unfortunately I was woken up b/c my parents wanted to take us (my family) out to eat. The whole experience was full of arguing and bickering to the point where I would've just rather have stayed home rather than getting free food.
I went out later to buy myself something to cheer myself up. I got a downbeat techno compilation. It's good, but it still hasn't made me feel better.
And on top of it all, I forgot my medication at school. It fucking figures.
Why does this shit have to happen to me? Why can't I be happy, huh? Hello? God? I'm talking to you. What the hell am I going through all this shit for? Everything has a purpose, right? So what the hell is the purpose of making me miserable? I'd really like to know, because maybe then I can stand it so I can hold all these fucking suicidal thoughts at bay. Hell, I haven't felt this shitty since . . . I don't know . . .
Fuck, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll be lucky and the world will explode while I'm sleeping.
Eric 2/15/2004 12:47:00 AM
