Because I am waaaaaaaay more fucking pissed off than I should be. Why do I have to be angry all the time!? Why do the stupidest things make me feel so horrible!? Oh yeah, because I haven't been taking my medicine. Again. Why the fuck can't I take 2 fucking pills a day!? What's so hard about that!? Why can't I do my homework!? Why can't I ever get off my ass to do the things I KNOW I have to do!?
5 out of the 9 people who said they would go the the GSA event have backed out. And this isn't even the initial list. This is people I talked to last night. I'm the only officer going. How pathetic is that? This was brought to their attention a month and a half ago. Don't they understand how important this is? How big of a deal this is? THis is huge! For us to even be invited to it is HUGE! And so far, there's only 4 people going, and one is Steve, who doesn't even GO to Dana. How pathetic . . . I'm almost embarrased to show up. I'm gonna go there, and not know what to do, or what to say, or anything. And if they ask how out GSA is going, what am I supposed to say? That it's going down the shithole because not even the GSA members give a shit about it? That it was just some quick little fad? I just don't know . . .
And then there's the IHOP incident. It's Nick's birthday, so I was invited to go to IHOP with people. I told them I couldn't go because I didn't have money. Katie said she had coupons so I could eat for free. So, reluctantly, I went. We get there and find out that we can't use the coupons. So I got to sit there for an hour and a half while everyone around me stuffed their faces. Thanks guys. And to really top it off, Katie turns to everyone and exclaims, "Wow, this is the first time I've been to a restaurant with Eric that he hasn't eaten anything."
. . .
Yeah, I fucking WONDER why . . .
So yeah, my night has turned out totally shitty. And even the fact that Steve's visiting isn't helping at all. I was looking forward to tomorrow. I've been looking forward to it since the end of Februrary. I asked off work for tomorrow especially for this. And now all I have is anxiety about it.
It's a damn good thing Brandon is letting me get a haircut, because I need something to cheer me up.
Goddamn, I'm always blogging about depressing shit. Why can't I ever blog about something happy? Why can't I blog about how excited I am for next year, for directing my own show, for performing my one-man show? Why can't I just be happy!? What is the big fucking problem!? Why am I throwing everything down the shithole because I can't get my act together? I know how to. I know I HAVE to. So why can't I just DO IT!?
