Hmmm . . . I think this is a nice reminder that I'm just as human as everyone else. I frequently get in moods and think that I'm being targeted specifically even though I'm not. It feels that way, but that doesn't mean it is that way. Case in point: Nick. Now, let the apologies begin.
Things I did wrong:
-- Brooding and holding anger in, letting it brood and grow, and make me even pissier
-- Not telling Nick how I felt. It's not fair to him at all, and makes me quite the hippocrite.
-- Mentioning Nick specifically and using his whole name in my blog. I try not to do that, really, for other people's privacy reasons. They don't deservere to be talked about on a public forum where anyone can read.
Rebuttal of Nick's comments:
"-So, you want to sit next to me even when we don't blend? makes sense... "
--I've told you before that I learn from you and sitting next to you makes me sing better. I sit next to you because you are my part, and I figure that in small choirs I'm supposed to sit next to you, and because I considered you a friend and would ratehr sit next to you than someone I do not consider a friend. And, honestly, my ear is not as musically trained, so our lack of blend doesn't really seem as bad to me as you say it is. That's another reason why I take such offense: I honestly don't think it sounds that bad.
"-I don't sing at you when you're wrong and you know it. "
-- Yeah, yeah you do. Often. Maybe it's unintentional or something. But it happens.
"-I HAVE NEVER SAID I WOULD EVEN AUDITION FOR THE JOY SOLO-asshole."
--I remember a conversation between you and Matt in a bass sectional about it. Maybe you've changed your mind since then.
"-Katie has an operatic voice, not gospel"
--I agree she does, but I feel that it's unneccesarily mean to criticize her performance on gospels and spirituals just because her voice is better suited to otehr things. Katie felt really bad when you told her that.
"The RA job, I am pissed, an alcoholic got it over me. Wouldn't you be upset too?"
-- My point was that you assumed you were better qualified than the people when you didn't even know who got the job. You couldn't possibly have known an alcoholic got the job at the time. I agree you should be angry about that, but assuming you're better than people that haven't even been announced yet sounds rather arrogant to me.
"Katie told me to teach the leap, so you can fuck off, you can't do it. And it didn't take two weeks, try 2 rehearsals."
-- I was already pissed out of my mind at you at the time, so my mood probably distorted events and I misread it. Oh, and I can do it, by the way.
"Wow, fuck you. Had I known this shit I wouldn't do it! Notify me next time, ASSHOLE."
--Yes, you do have a point. I should have. And, I guess I kind of have, indirectly.
You see, the whole previous blog was me blowing off steam. I was seriously read to rip something to pieces, and blogging and getting it out of my system seemed to be a much better alternative to actually starting a physical fight. Secondly, I was not aware that anyone who reads this talks to Nick on a regular basis. I didn't think he would actually read it. I was fully intending to talk about my . . . irritation with him. I was just trying to find a good time to do it. I mean, I can't just walk up out of the blue and start complaining. And doing right after an incident would make it extremely difficult to actually calm down and control my emotions. So, yeah, I was planning on it, but someone has taken matters into their own hands and told Nick already.
I just don't deal with conflict very well. Mostly because it's such a rare thing with me. I rarely get angry, I rarely get in fights, and I don't know what to do when they happen. It's a part of me that's still immature. I guess this was a good experience for that.
