For some ungodly reason, I went back to gay.com tonight. I was bored out of my mind, with nothing else to do, so .. . yeah, there's not really a good excuse. I just have to plead insanity because that's the only thing that explains why I was on gay.com again.
Everytime I'm there I meet A) assholes, B) old men who are looking for sex with little boys, or C) both combined. Maybe that's not completely true, but its true enough that I should realize that going on that site is NOT a good idea.
But yeah, I ended up there tonight, and within 2 minutes I had IMs from 2 guys wanting sex. Shortly afterwards I got a third IM. This time from someone actually my age, named Jared. I was shocked. Then I checked out his picture, and he was cute, really cute. He said that he thought I was really cute, and actually said so before I said he was cute. But anyway, we got to talking, and he invited me over to hang out with him in his apartment. So what did I do? I took my sister's car and drove out there. Why? Because I am an idiot, that's why. Because I have this weakness for cute guys that makes my common sense go out the window and I do every little thing they ask. So, I get ready, change clothes, and head out to ALL the way across town to this kid's apartment. Well, I get there, and after 5 minutes of knocking on his door, he finally opened it and let me inside. He offered a seat on the couch, and we proceeded to sit in silence in the dark for 5 minutes. It felt like longer. I tried to start conversations; I told him about how easy it was to find. I apologized for being 7 minutes late. I told him his apartment looked nice even though it was dark and I could hardly see it. I asked how his evening was. Apperantly he'd been in Lincoln drinking and smoking weed and now he felt sick and tired. BOY, do I know how to pick them! So I said that if he wasn't feeling well, that I could go. He mumbled something else about how tired he was, but didn't say I should go, so I just sat there for another 3 minutes not having any idea what to do. Finally, he said that he should go to bed and apologized for having me drive all the way out there, and that he has my AIM, and we can hang out some other time. At that I got up, opened the door, and he got up off the couch and halfway walked me to the door, told me to drive safely, and I left. I just got home.
Goddamn, what is it with me? Why do I always do shit like this to myself. Now I'm dissappointed and depressed because some kid ended up being a druggie jerk. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't have even put myself in the situation. GOD!!!
And then I think to myself, well, maybe he didn't know he was going to be sick. Maybe it was his first time doing weed. Maybe Maybe maybe! I'm trying to come up with all these excuses for this guy I don't even know b/c he's cute and he said that he thought I was cute. THAT'S IT! This is exactly the same shit I tried to tell myself with Nick, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to go through that again.
But everyone deserves a second chance, right?
AARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!! HORMONES, GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!!!
Well, I don't really plan on hearing from the guy again, but in the event that I do, he will get a second chance. I'm not going to IM him or anything. But if he ever decides to contact me, one chance, and after that, bye-bye. I won't get fucked over again.
