Yeah, I went out again tonight with another guy from gay.com. His name is Jeremy, and he lives only a few minutes away, surprisingly. We didn't do anything. We just drove around and talked for a little bit. He's another gay guy in the omaha area who knows almost everyone, has slept with a lot of people, and, well, he seems happy. He's had relationships, he's had friends, he's had a LOVE LIFE. When he asked about mine, all I could say was that I kinda dated a couple guys. That's it. How freaking pathetic. Almost every gay guy I know has actually had relationships. Why not me? I've sorta kinda seen a few guys for a month or two, but they weren't what I would call dating relationships. I feel so . . . behind . . . left out. I mean, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? Seriously? God DAMN!
I'm ready to throw the towel in. I'm ready to say "Fuck it" and add another gay boy whore to Omaha's already booming population of shallow gay boy whores. Because being a nice guy has gotten me NOWHERE. So why don't I just say fuck everything, and, well, fuck everything. At least I'll hve fun. And I won't ever be under the impression that any of it is important. And when you think about it, is having a serious relationship all that important? Is it really? Why do we all put so much importance in being in a monogamous relationship when we can all have so much more fun and be so less stressed just by having casual flings left and right?
Jesus, my 16 year old coworkers at Burger King have more active love lives than I do. There are gay boys in Omaha barely into high school that are already making it big in the gay community, having boyfriends, partying, etc. Why am I so left out of the loop?
I feel like this is exactly the kind of thing Kori always says. And everytime Joe tells her that she needs to make the effort to include herself. Other people aren't going to do it. So maybe that's what I should do. Include myself. Go back to xy.com and even the evils of gay.com and get out and meet people, and be a fucking slut, and give people what they want because maybe then I'll finally be fucking happy? Is that what I should do!?
FUCK!
That's not what I want! Not at all! But right now I am sooooooo unhappy! And everyone else is having so much fun! I just want to be a part of that. I want to be content. I don't want to dwell on stupid shit. None of this should matter so much.
I'm really grabbing for straws here. I don't know what else to do. So, if you can't beat them, join them. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
The pride parade is this weekend. There's a party the night before, and I'm sure there will be parties the night after too . . .
Well, Omaha, looks like you just won yourself another whore . . .
Eric 6/16/2004 03:28:00 AM
