As I'm sure everyone knows, I've been feelings less than happy lately, and probably for a variety of reasons. Namely, loneliness, but that doesn't need to be gone into again. Anyway, I've been thinking. I went to go see the movie "I, Robot", and I noticed how incredibly frequently shots of Will Smith's naked toro appeared on screen. And I noticed how incredibly built and buff said torso appeared. I mentioned something about the numerous shots to my mother, and she said something to the effect of: "He gets paid to look like that." And it got me to thinking. I remember hearing how actors need to gain, and then lose weight for different roles. Scuplting their bodies to fit characters in definitely one of the things that actors have to do. I want to be an actor. My body is my tool as an actor. So, part of my living will be to take care of, and shape my body as neccesary.
Well, my self image lately isn't terribly high. In fact, its one of the reasons I've been less than happy lately. And, well, I need to get off my ass and do something about it. But its so hard without support. I've started 3 other times in my life to get up and exercise and work out, and each time lasted for about the period of a month before I got distraced, put it off, and eventually forgot about it.
It really is time to do something about it now, while I'm still in school and have at least a somewhat stable environment. I just need to start . . .
I need more cardio than I've done before. Preiously, I've just weight lifted. Which is good, but it doesn't make my stomach go away. No one's going to see any muscles when they're covered by my gut. Right now I'm around 185. I want to get down to 165 or so and stay there. I've seen pictures of guys that look pretty damn built, and they're around 165. If muscle is heavier than fat, and I'm still 20 lbs. heavier, there's something wrong with that picture.
I need to eat healthier. I need to stop binging whenever I finally get a chance to eat. I'm trying to limit my food at BK. Today I only ate a whopper and an apple pie today(2 sandwhiches shortof what I usually eat) and when I got done with my break, I felt full! I actually thought I ate too much. My eyes need to shrink back to the size of my stomach. And I need some way to control my appetite. I dunno, pills or something.
I went to Super Target this evening and bought hygeine stuff. I got a new toothbrush, new shampoo, new gel stuff, and face soap stuff. I mean, a bunch more stuff than I usually use. After I got home, I took a shower and proceeded to use all the cleaning stuff I bought. And, DAMN, I feel clean. I really do. That facial soap stuff worked wonders on my face. Lets hope the dandruff shampoo works equally well . . .
So yeah, I've identified the problem, and I've started coming up with ways to fix it. I have an apppointment with Shannon on Wednesday, and I plan on going over this with her to see if she can help me actually follow through with it. I seriously need to turn my physical self around. I'm cute, damnit, and its time I became as damn sexy as I can be~!
And, on a final note, I get paid tomorrow. If my bonus comes in like its SUPPOSED too, I will have enough money to purchase the computer. And I'm rather impatient to finally have a computer again, so if I don't hear from Alan by noon Monday . . . hello mega mart. Hello beastly computer!
