Yeah, that's me. I really hate how one stupid incident causes me to practially shut down for days at a time. So James is an asshole? Why should it affect me this much? I dunno. But at least its not anymore. Now I'm just kinda pissed at him. Not depressed, not ragey, Just kinda pissed. Much better than the alternatives.
But yeah, my mental sickness has given way to physical sickness. I have some sinus cold thingy that is really uncomfortable. My entire body aches like I've been lifting for hours. Except I haven't. I've sat on my ass. Well, when I havent been working at BK or dancing my ass off at practice. I need a massage. REally badly. $10 for anyone who can give me a good massage for 45 minutes. I am not kidding. I have it in my pocket, aching to be spent on a good massage.
I'd like to thank Matt and Alex for commenting on the previous entry. It really helped to hear from you guys. We really should hang out more often.
I don't deal with things that don't go the way I want them to very well. I've kinda realized this. If something happens that I wanted to happen, or something I just don't care about,then everything is fine. But any dissappointment whatsoever and I lose it. Definitely something that needs to be brought up the next time I see Sharon.
I dunno when that will be, though. Hopefully soon.
And I apologize for the choppy nature of the post. Just too many thoughts and too much sleepiness to make everything into one cohesive idea.
JP is apperantly dissatisfied that he can't be with art, and is lonely. He wants someone he can actually be with. Sooooooooo difficult to resist telling him "I told you so" or something to that effect. But I did resist, b/c hostility won't help the situation. But nevertheless, his problem. I was there to help him avoid it, and I was rejected. Not my problem now.
Wow, that sounded bitchy. I didn't mean it to be. But, DAMN! New train of thought . . .
I had this crazy mood all day in work today. I was in one of those Whore moods where I have this compulsion to be usedm sexually. Just mindless, emotionless fucking. And not even for my sake. For someone else's. Just the need to satisfy someone else. Difficult to explain. Probably came from desperation or something like that.
And I am a fucking catch. Jeezus. I'm damn cute. I may not have the best body, but I think I am pretty darn attractive for as out of shape as I am. And I'm pretty damn fun and entertaining too when I'm used to people. Anyone who doesnt' date me is freaking insane. That's all I have to say about that.
I'm going to do my best to . . . restrain myself from any romantic relationship thinking. Its just better that way. If I train myself not to expect anything, I won't be dissappointed. Hell, I think I'm going to actually read those dating self-help books I got last year. Maybe they can tell me what I'm doing wrong. God knows no one else can.
In the meantime, I'm just a horny boy sitting alone at his computer. No outlet to speak of b/c of the roomie. Damn. And damn my little brother for finding my dildo. I should get another one. I have money now . . .
And school is worthless. I decided. Its just a pain in my ass. I'm not doing anything that I will ever use again except for my directing class, and that isn't even really a class. I just take over doc's job for a couple months and get credit for it. Go me!
My one-acts are going to be fucking awesome. Anyone who is anyone will be there to see them. They're free, and they're going to be the best damn one-acts in Dana theater history. I kid you not. I have ideas practically leaping out of my head.
And I have class in 7 hours. I could use some sleep. Especially with this damn cold thingy.
Eric 9/27/2004 01:42:00 AM
