Sooo . . . yeah . . . the musical is going . . . ok, I guess . . . So far the dancing has shown my just how incredibly out of shape I am. We learned a dance to a 2 minutes song, and I was dying after doing it 3 times. That is how out of shape I am. The dance doesn't seem terribly phyisically demanding, but it just kills me! Hell, I got to the point where my limbs were getting tingly like they were falling asleep from lack of blood flow! I'm so bad! And we haven't even added in the singing yet. One thing's for sure, I'll be in decent shape by the end of this show. That ought to even help with my weight problem. Damn, I could feel the pounds melting off me.
And on that note, over-eating hasn't been much of a problem b/c most of the time food in the cafeteria is inedible. So I've been surviving on Salad, the occassional slice of barely digestable pizza, and an assortment of cookies. So my food consumption hasn't been the healthiest, but at least its been in moderation. I sure as hell am not taking in as many calories as I burn. And DEFINITELY not with those dances.
This is probably the most dance intensive show I've done at Dana. Which might have something to do with the fact that we actually have a real choreographer this time. But yeah, my opinion of Seussical continues to shift day by day. We went over music today, and I must admit that there are some damn cool songs in it. I guess what really irrirated me was the performance of the people on the CD, b/c when we do it, it doesn't sound nearly as preschool-ish.
But, yeah . . . so I found out WHICH Wickersham brother I am. I'm #2. The middle one. The boring one. The one that just sits there and looks stupid. #1 (Greg) is the tenor, so of course he gets all the solos. #3 (Matt) is the bass, so he has all these bass solos. I, however, get nothing, and merely serve as the middle note that completes the harmony of #1 and #3 . . . oh joy . . .
So my part is even worthless than I thought at first. But does this mean I get a break to work on my one acts? Oh, HELL NO! You see, I also have to be a generic Who, so I have to do all THOSE godforsaken choral numbers where I'm not one in three, I'm one in 15. Absolutely WORTHLESS!!!!!!! So I STILL have to be at EVERY rehearsal. It's fucking absurd.
And this whole not being a lead thing . . . it really irks me. Irks me something bad. Tonight at practice, sitting there, singing choir crap, listening to everyone and his dog have solos, just ticked me off. I mean, hello!? What suddenly happened to make me so worthless as a singer? So untalented that I get one of the smallest, most insignificant, most forgettable parts in the entire show!? What did I do!? I mean, sure my audition wasn't the greatest, and no, I wasn't excited about the musical, but good god! I would rather have not been cast that to be stuck in the background!
I feel like if I'm not the center of attention, if I'm not the best, then I'm a failure. This show makes me feel like a failure. And I'm not a failure! I know for a fact I'm a better, more experienced performer than 90% of the people in that show! So why do they all get so much better parts than I? I don't get it! I don't understand! I want to understand! I NEED TO! I need to know what I did to deserve this mediocrity!
But of course I can't actually say this to anyone. It'd make me look like an asshole. Like I'm conceited and big-headed and greedy. Maybe I am. I just don't understand going from The Baker, to an unimportant choirboy. It's driving me nuts.
But yeah, so that's bitchfest #1. I guess I don't really have a bitchfest #2 except to complain that there are so many fucking hot new students that any time I leave my room I practically have to change my boxers. God damn, they're all so hot! And in the cafeteria they're all wearing skimpy tank tops with their biceps and pecs bulging, and furry legs and everything! OH man! I haven't gotten any action since . . . March, I believe. And while action is not the most important of things, I think it would definitely reduce this frustration. Hell, I'm so . . . wound up, I'd release myself on the first thing that offered.
Oh, that's such a horrible thing to say! I'm such a slut!
Oh, fuck it. I AM a slut! I'll take any attention from guys I can get, good or bad. Shallow or not. I"m that desperate. It's sad really.
I work with a girl who . . . "gets around" to try and put it nicely. She says she enjoys it, but its just so obvious that she does it because she likes the attention from guys. She's really insecure, and when she lets guys have their way with her, she feels wanted. Loved. Like she's important. And its so sad! She shouldn't have to live like that!
And now here I am, in the same situation.
Except no one even wants to use me.
Oh, I'm going to bed before I depress myself again.
