I had one last night. The first actual nightmare I remember having in a loooong, long time. Most of my dreams are just weird, or if they're creepy in anyway, they're like horror movies, and its as though I'm just watching the events and being entertained by them. I haven't had an actual nightmare, where the events are so horrific, I'm relieved when I wake up and find that they're not true.
I don't remember exactly how this one started, but it seemed as though there was some huge exodus from Omaha. I remember Dodge being packed with cars heading west. And one of the first things that happened in my dream was that a tank (as in the armored vehicle) was coming down our street and ran over our van that my sister Molly was in. We rushed her to the hospital. She looked like she was ok. She wasn't in the part of the van that was flattented, but she was tossed around quite a bit. So she looked like she would be ok.
Then my dream flashed to Dodge again, and another tank ran over my brother, Jordan. It was . . . rather graphic, and I remember howling and screaming unconrtollably as I watched, cursing these fucking tanks, and why can't they go away and leave us alone. Then back at the hospital, as they were checking on Molly, my dad came into the waiting room, crying. He said they did a test on him and said that he had one more day to live, and then he would have a hear attack and die. I remember saying, "WHAT!? How the hell can they know that!?" And right after the words left my mouth, he collapsed. He died right in front of me. It was then that another doctor came in and told us that Molly had just died from internal bleeding.
I remember the anguish being unbearable. Screaming to God and asking him why he would take three members of my family in the same day. I remember sobbing and sobbing, harder than I've ever sobbed before. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to go on. It was unbearable. The rest of the dream is a haze now. I don't remember any other details other than the extreme sense of loss I experienced. I was more than releived to wake up to find that it was all, in face, a dream. I hope I don't dream like that for a long time.
Anyway, opening night was last night, and it went really, really well. I was really happy about it. Our energy was amazing. And I think that we'll only get better.
Also, last night, my mouse decided to die on me, and it REALLY pissed me off. Pissed me off to the point where I was screaming and yelling, and I think I really scared everyone in my room as I raged at the fucking thing. I ended up smashing it against my desk so hard out of frustration that now its definitely broken. Its currently sitting in pieces in front of me.
I went into Omaha to grab another mouse today. But not without dealing with more mysterious fees from wells fargo. And the annoying thing is that even THEY don't know what the fee is for. How fucking ridiculous. And its been two weeks since opening my new account and I STILL haven't recieved my check card. How the fuck am I supposed to use my money if they don't give me the fucking card!? I could rage about the stupidities of this bank all night, but I don't have time.
I THINK I got everything sorted out. I suppose it remains to be seen, however.
Well, call for our 2nd performance of Seussical is in 15 mintes. I'm actually excited for it tonight. I got an ankle brace at Super Target to see if that helps my ankle, which has been aching for the past week from monkeying around.
Also, apperantly JP is coming tonight . . . I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm sure it will be incredibly awkward. Well, on my part. He probably doesn't care. I guess I'll just keep to myself after the show and not open myself up to any potential confrontations.
Also, this Chris boy is going to be there tonight as well . . . which I have equally mixed feelings about, if a little more optimistic about.
NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!! NO, ERIC! NO EXPECTATIONS! NO NOTHING! You are performing for Catie because she is the only person coming to see the show who has actually shown to care about you! Ignore all others, and give Catie an even better performance than last night! No one else is important. No one else is worth the trouble and pain. Just ignore them. Do it for you. For yourself and Catie, and Joe, and Tabby, and the rest of the cast.
I can already tell I'm going to need to get plastered after the show . . .
Eric 10/09/2004 05:57:00 PM
