Talking with Matt about last night led to an interesting revelation that surprisingly fits . . .
This past summer, I wanted to be a Summoner in FFXI. For those of you who don't know, a summoner basically conjures up mythical beasts to fight for you. Well, before you can summon these beasts, you have to defeat them in a special battle.
So I poured over all the info I could find on these battles. I bought top of the line weapons and armor to use in the battles. I studied and practiced and strategized. And according to everything I read, with all my preparation and skills, these battles would be a piece of cake.
So I enter the battles, and time after time, I would lose. Each battle would start great, and I'd have victory within my grasp and then . . . someting would happen, and some way or another, I would be defeated after I was almost assured to win.
Why? I did everything right. Everything. I fought these battles over and over and over again, and every time, some stupid little fluke would cause me to lose. It was incredibly frustrating. It was so frustrating, I was about to quit the entire game.
And I did, for a few weeks. Then I came back, and decided to just drop being a Summoner because I wasn't getting anywhere with it. I went and I continued in another class where I actually could succeed.
And I was much happier. I had fun again.
I stopped beating my head against the wall, trying to do something that was for all intents and purposes, impossible.
Sure, everyone else could do it, but for some reason, I could not. It must have been fate or something.
So what have I learned? To stop trying to force something that's not meant to be. I've failed at relationships too many times. I've been hurt and frustrated and depressed too many times. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth that much bull-shit.
So I'm done. Sure, its easier said than done. But the sooner I realize its hopeless, the sooner I can move on to other things that can make me happy.
If only I could take a break from life to get this all sorted out . . .
Eric 10/26/2004 03:24:00 AM
