Interesting things have happened these past few days. And for some reason, they all seem to be connected some how. At least, that's how it feels.
Case #1: Doc removes Nick from his stage manager position in my show, and suggests that I get Megan to Stage Manage in his place. Well, remembering how this Megan was the bitchiest Stage Manager EVER during Seussical, I decided, "Hell no, I'm finding someone else". And I was soooooo horrified that she had been mentioned to me, I complained about it to several people (mostly those involved in the shows) and also sharing my dislike for this girl based on her stage manager experience.
Thursday, as I was showing Doc the posters for my one-acts, he noticed that one was missing some info. But that would require Kori to use up even more of her ink that she was already low on. This Megan, who is in the same class, offered to let me use her printer to do it.
In that instant, all the mean things I had said about her behind her back came flooding back to me, and I saw how ridiculously petty and stupid and mean I had been. Here she was offering to help me out, when I had done nothing but complain about her. I felt so horrible!
And then, right after that, I overheard Doc ask her to stage manager for his Christmas show. To which she replied that she'd like to, but she knows that she gets uptight and bitchy when she stage manages, and she's worried that other people won't want her there.
IF that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Lesson learned: don't judge people prematurely! Its not fair to them, and its not fair to you! This girl may have a fault or two, but its not my place to condemn her for them! Always try and see the good in people instead of dwelling on the bad.
Case #2: John (I know there are SOOOO many, but I refuse to use last names) IMed me again out of the blue. This is the John that graduated MN last year, that blew me off after saying he wanted a relationship. Well, he IMed me out of the blue. I honestly had completely put him out of my mind, and never expected to hear from him again. Well, I was wrong. He messaged me saying how sorry he was for last year. That he was immature, and confused, and didn't know what to do, and that he felt really bad about hurting me. He then said that he may be transferring to UNO, and if he did, that he would like to try to have something between us again.
Now, the thing that really struck me was not the "Maybe we could try this again", but the apology. Once again, someone who I had written off as hopeless, actually came back (in a way) and apologized. Other people can see their mistakes too. And there can be soooo many reasons for guys to blow me off, or not like me that are not my fault at all, that I can't take them personally any more! That's what I got out of this conversation. I need to be patient and confident in myself in this . . . I dunno . . . quest, to find a relationship. I can't go on beating myself up for every little failure.
Case #3: Emily came to visit on Friday. She had read my post questioning God, and wanted to come talk to me about it and answer my questions if she could. Well, she did, and I felt much better after talking with her. Its so hard to even explain what I got out of the conversation. Probably b/c its late and I';m exhausted. But I remember getting chills up my spine when we talked. That only seems to happen when something really . . . resonates with me. When something strikes a chord with me. It just seemed so . . . right. As I understand it right now, the whole focus isn't neccearily on the sacrifice. Its on a relationship with God. How it happened isn't the point. The point is that its there, and that this communication/relationship/whatever you want to call it, is what heaven/salvation is all about. I am sooooooo not wording this right, but I'm trying.
Basically, I honestly feel like there have been times when I have communicated with a higher power, and have been communicated back to. Not often, but when its important. To me, the little details about religion don't matter. To me, its what's in my heart that matters. God knows me, and knows what's in my heart. He knows how I feel, and that I try to be a good person. Whenever I start to take a few wrong steps, something happens that makes me see that. I.E. the whole Megan/stage manager thing and the John thing. There are so many cases of things like that. I just have to remember all these lessons I'm being taught.
I'm so just rambling now. But I guess what I wanted to say was that I feel very . . . spiritually awakened, I guess. I feel like I better understand where I am as far as those things go.
At any rate, I work in 6 hours, and then I go straight from work to play rehearsal, which will last until around 11 or so. So yeah, I have a pretty darn ful day tomorrow. But the shows are looking good. I'm really excited for them. I hope everyone can come and see them this Thursday and Friday, November 11th and 12th at 7:30! Please come! You'll like them, I promise!
