I was soooooo going to post about something completely different, but this thought just came to me, so I"m going to explore it first, before it fades away.
Now in America, marriage has a 50% success rate. Around half of all marriages fail at some point. Going back in time, however, marriages have a much better success rate. It is only in recent times that marriage has begun to falter.
What is the difference? Some may attribute it to women's rights, which may be a part of it, but until recently, marriage was not an institution of love. It was arranged. Your marriage partner was decided for you, taking "love" out of the equation. You were simply expected to be with this person for the rest of your life. It was your duty. Thus people learned to love eachother, or at least get along. And marriages ended a lot less than they do now.
And that realization got me to thinking.
I just finished visiting xy.com again . . . (yes, I enjoy torturing myself) and I saw some guy post how he was looking for his first real relationship, and how I liked that. I'm looking for my first relationship too! I'd really just like to really experience that. Someone that I can be with and get to know, and not have it be completely physical, and for us to get a long, and converse and share ideas and everything.
So I thought that maybe I should contact him, or update my own profile to add that. Well, my responding to profiles now has a 0% success rate and counting, so that's obviously not going to get me anywhere. The persone probably doesn't really mean that, and just wants someone who at least tries not to act like a whore. So that option was out.
But then, should I update my own profile to include that? I dunno. In the past I've always made a point of saying that I'm open to possibility. Because someone may not make the perfect boyfriend, but would make a good friend, and I didn't want to have any preconceived expectations. Well, those expectations have always been there anyway, depressing me when they aren't fulfilled. So, adding this to my profile would just make that worse, as far as I can see. Besides, its not like anyone new is going to contact me through it anyway as all any gay guy in the Omaha area is looking for is a quick fuck. (Its more true than you may think. It's really sad)
So, I went back to the whole arranged marriage thing. Maybe this whole relationship thing just needs to be taken out of my hands. Maybe I just need someone who knows me really well to just say, here is a gay boy. You two will now date. And then this guy and I would just have to get to know eachother. And that would be that. For better or worse, we'd be together, and we'd learn to love eachother, and everything would be ok . . .
MAybe that would work . . . maybe not . . . I dunno. Hell, I'm just so sick of trying to get to know people, only to find out they're assholes, its ridiculous.
Anyway, that was my thought . . .
Now what was I going to originally blog about . . . ?
Ummm . . . come to the shows!!!!!!! They're going to be awesome! Even though I'm freaking out about Soap Opera, it'll be good by Thursday! Todd was at rehearsal tonight and had a lot of helpful things to say. Megan has now been assigned to be my lights person. That's going . . . pretty good. She's really pushing for some idea of hers that I really don't want to use, but I guess I'll take a look at it anyway. But she apologized to me after rehersal about her bitchiness during Seussical. I didn't know what to say. I was so . . . I dunno . . . embarassed about being confronted with my unfairness, I guess. But at least I have a better understanding of where she's coming from. And she's more than eager to help to make the shows as good as they can be, so I think this is a good experience.
So, yes. Yeah. Ok.
Oh yeah! We were talking in physiology lab today! Well, our professor decided that since we were behind on labs, that we no longer have to do the bio-pac research project!!! I'm so excited! Or rather, relieved! So now I just have to catch up in my reading in that class, and I'll be fine! So that class should be fine if I can just put in a few hours of studying, which I will have after this weekend.
And then World Civ . . . I find it increasingly frustrating that I am actually doing WORSE in this class now that I"m going to classes . . . I don't know what it is! I pay attention, and I know what's going on! But I get such horrible quiz grades! They've all been C's, with the exception of one B. On my latest one, the one I thought I aced, I got killed by the multiple choice. Two wrong multiple choice answers, and I lose 10% of my entire test grade. It just seems imbalanced to me . . . I guess I'll just have to pay more attention next time . . .
Then there's that Modern Drama . . . I bombed my 1st test b/c I couldn't concentrate enough to get the essays done in time. And I have yet to start, let alone hand in, my 1st paper. We'll see on that one . . .
And yeah, that's school. Bleck. I have one more month left of this semester. And then I'll have one semester left of college . . . Wow, its going by too fast . . .
And now I'm off to bed before I start thinking too much again . . .
