Getting too busy to make amends
I should try to make it right
Are you ready for the shit to hit
I think you say you are but aren't
Doctor make it better instantly
You're the only one who can
I've waited here my whole damn life
And I've forgotten what I wanted
Maybe I can do it
If I put my back into it
I can leave you if I wanted
But there's nowhere else that I can go
Maybe I won't suffer
If I find a way to love here
I'd be lying to myself
But there is no way out that I can see
If I lied you'd know it instantly
So I just had to look away
All the honesty I've ever lost
I can't begin to even curse
I never knew the taste of blood till now
It's clear I never should have known
Breathing fire was never this much fun
So there's a dark side in us all
Wow, that's a dark song. And for some reason, the darkness in it makes it more appealing to me . . . I was listening to it in the car tonight, and it sent chills up and down my spine. It really struck a chord in me, and I'm not sure why.
I guess I've been in a rather dark mood the past few days. Everything seems jaded and dull. Relationships seem twisted. Nothing seems to be as . . . optimistic as it used to be.
I've been sleeping a lot more than usual the past couple days. I've slept all afternoon, and all evening, and then all night. I think I'm getting another depressive episode about to hit. Good thing my parents are finally refilling my prescription. I just hope its not too late . . .
I was over at Steve's house tonight, playing X-Men Legends, when I developed this . . . nostalgia, I guess. I suddenly wanted to re-play all these games I have. Chrono Cross, Vagrant Story, Xenogears, Final Fantasy X, Devil May Cry. Lots of things. I may just have to set aside time to do that . . . I also noticed that no game seems very long anymore compared to FFXI. I realized I had played X-Men for more than 40 hours, and it hardly seems like any time at all. Then again, against a never ending game like FFXI, 40 hours is nothing.
Which reminds me, Xenosaga Episode II: Jenseits Von Gut Und Bose comes out in February! I'm so excited! I sooooo have to replay Xenosage Episode I: Der Wille Zuhr Macht before I get it! Although I really ought to finish FFX-2 as well . . . hmmm . . , so many games, so little time!
Hmmm . . . it seems that I'm much more comfortable being alone lately than in groups of people. I don't know why. It just seems like whenever I'm around other people, my nerves get stepped on much more easily than they should. I'd much rather just sit alone in my room and curl up with a good book, or video game. Hmmm . . . anti-socialness . . . yup, that's another one of my depression signs . . .
Its kind of odd, that its soooooo obvious that I'm about to feel like utter shit soon, but I just don't . . . care . . . It doesn't seem important. I'll just hide away till it blows over. I won't deal with anyone or anything that could possibly make me more upset.
