There's something about my house that just rubs me just the wrong way. I go through all week being delt blow after blow of stupid shit getting in my way, yet I'm handling it. Barely, but handling it.
But then I walk through the doors at home, and WHAM! Toss on Wells Fargo frelling me over again, and I just shut down. I literally shut down. I just sat at home staring at space for I don't know how long. I couldn't stand anything. Every sound made me scream at the top of my lungs. I was just so pissed and frustrated, I was shaking and every muscle was tense, and I just could not relax.
Sure, the wells fargo thing is something that I should be able to get straightened out by going there (although its felling absurd for them to fuck up THIS much). I knew that considering everything else I've already been thrown, it isn't much. Maybe it was just the straw that broke my back.
Regardless, I remember thinking to myself how I KNOW it shouldn't be affecting me that much. I kept reminding myself that over and over, and eventually I snapped out of it. It was just scary to know that I was being irrational. It was totally alien, like being trapped. In fact, that's part of what I remember. I felt trapped. Cornered. Like I couldn't move or escape. Claustrophobic maybe? I dunno. It wasn't fun at all.
And, just because I feel like it, I'm going to make 2 top 5 lists. Of singers. The first is a top 5 sexiest male voices. These are men who make me horny just by listening to the sound of their voices as they sing. Now, this is not a BEST 5, just the sexiest 5 male voices. In order of preference:
1. Ewan McGregor---- if you didn't see this one coming, you don't know me very well. 2. Doug Robb (lead singer of Hoobastank)---- Horrible name, but his voice makes me melt. 3. Gary Lightbody (lead singer of Snow Patrol)---- Ohhhhh, accents turn me on soooo much. 4. John Foreman (lead singer of Switchfoot)---- wow, when his voice soars like few others. 5. Chris Brown (lead singer of Trapt)---- I dunno what it is. Its just so masculine and hot, I can't get it out of my head.
Now, there are many other singers whom I am big fans of and love their voices, but I just think these are the sexiest. And now, the top 5 prettiest women's voices. I say pretty instead of sexy because, well, I think I'm better at judging beauty than attractiveness on women,personally. Sexy voices just don't do it for me. *shrug*
1. Sarah McLachlan---- Once again, if you're surprised, you don't know me. 2. Tori Amos---- So many layers and varieties in her voice, I'm constantly surprised. 3. Kori Williamson---- Yes, I would honestly put her up here. I can't wait for your recital, Kori! 4. Amy Lee (lead singer of Evanescene)---- ohhhh, so pretty. 5. Utada Hikaru---- Yay for pretty Japanese women with angelic voices! WOO!
So, yeah, lots of singers whom I admire, but I just, for some reason felt like coming up with the few that I particularly admire at this point in time. They may change, they may stay the same, but yeah. Moving on . . .
I saw Constantine for the second time this weekend. Still a really good movie. This time I paid more attention to details rather than the overall plot. Besides noticing how several of Keanu's lines were horribly performed, I noticed a lot of interesting details. Its really a shame that hollywood cinema is so limited in its duration. There are so many ideas presented in Constantine, but don't have enough time to be fully developed. It's really kind of sad, really. Movies seem to be so stuck to the 2 hour time frame. And they've even begun to stay beyond that. Return of the King was more than 3 hours. And then people start complaining about it while I'm sitting here, engaged as hell. God, the moviegoing public is a mob of mindless, impatient 5 year olds. UGh.
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I haven't ever done this before, but the paragraphs that were here have been edited out. It was a long rant about frustrations with a certain situation. Everything in it was inteded to hurt, and I'm not proud of that. It was emotional, and irrational, and will accomplish nothing but worsening the situation. Granted, I'm still very much pissed off, but I can't keep this up here and still consider myself a good person. Its not deleted, just removed, to remind me of what I can be capable of when pushed far enough.
I knew I should never have gotten online tonight to talk to people. I should have just done my work, or played my game or something. I'm not going to be on AIM or MSN for a while. I don't know how long. But this little insanity will stick with me for sometime, and remind me that this is not where I need to be and not what I need to be concentrating on.
I can't be sucked down with him. I'm just starting to get a grasp on everything.
I will, however, leave this. It is one fact that I think needs to be considered by the person involved:
Brad never tried to turn me against you. You tried to turn me against Brad.
Eric 2/27/2005 10:06:00 PM
