Wow, that was an interesting time. I just got back from it. I drank a bit, but not too much by any means. I got tipsy, but not so sloshed that I was out of it, which is the best kind of drunk to be, in my opinion.
Ohhhhhh, but can any of my blogs be positive? Frell, NO!
So yeah, I was told that not only would girls date me if I was straight, they still want to jump my bones now when I'm gay. What I thought was innocent flirting, no longer seems so innocent . . .
But, damnit, if the only people who pay attention to me are women, WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE ATTRACTED TO THEM!?!?!?!? This isn't just the typical women flock to the gay guy thing. This is women flocking to me and being dissappointed that I'm gay.
I haven't wished to be straight as much as I do right now since I was in high school . . . I'm just sick of dealing with all this stupid shit. And that's what it all is. It's stupid shit. UGh . . .
Kirk discovered how I twitch/squirm/convulse in pleasure when my nipples are played with. So he proceeded to do that all night. And then Greg started doing it, and then Kyle even joined in toward the end of the night. And while I'm not complaining at all that guys are playing with my nipples, its REALLY frustrating b/c I know that it's not going to go anywhere. It's like someone waving a $1000 bill under your nose and jerking it away whenever you so much as look like you're going to go for it.
And it doesn't help at all when girls tell me they think someone might be gay. Because all that does is set me up for more dissappointment. That's what happened with Scott, and now, yes its happened again! OHHHHHH, I just can't learn, CAN I!? FUCK!
I keep trying to tell myself that I don't need a relationship. That I don't have time for it anyway, that I have sooooooo much else I need to concentrate on.
And then I get play-flirted with all night, and cuddled with, and then I realize: Oh yeah, that's what I'm missing. That's what I've never had in my entire fucking 21 and a half years on this fucking planet.
Fucking brain.
And Washington County cops need to be lined up and shot because they've all proved they're nothing but a bunch of fuck-heads that are trying to drive anyone under the age of 30 out of the county. In two days, I have ridden in cars with two people, and both of those people have been pulled over for the first time in their lives for speeding, neither realizing they were speeding in the first place, and both recieved full blown tickets rather than warnings. First my sister, then Nick. Its all just so fucking ridiculous. There's a difference between the letter of the law, and the spirit of the law, and Washington County police have yet to figure that the fuck out.
Oh, and isn't it interesting how one can pour their heart out; reveal incredibly personal and intimate information about themselves, yet the only comments made are: "You're margins are fucked up. Fix them because they inconvenience me."
. . .
I think I could use having my Welbutrin and Lexapro perscriptions refilled right about now . . .
Eric 3/06/2005 04:33:00 AM
