Well, I sent Sharon a looooooong e-mail about all the stuff I've blogged about recently. We've set up an emergency session thingy for tomorrow at 6:00. So, I will not be able to be at chorale, despite the incredible length of time we spent discussing attendence today . . .
So I feel a certain amount of guilt. But the thing is, Chorale is not my life. I have to set priorities, and some things are just more important. The way people talk about it sometimes, its the end-all, be-all of their lives, and, I'm sorry, but its not that way for me. I have fun in it (most of the time), and I learn a lot. But, like I said, sometimes other things come first, which is why I really don't care for how much importance is placed on 100% attendence. If someone has it, that's great, but just because someone isn't there 100% of the time doesn't mean they don't care. Thus, most of the guilt I feel, feels forced upon me. Like I have to live up to other people's standards, so it gives me a certain amount of resentment.
And it seems Drama at Dana High is at an all time, well, high. Is there anyone who isn't mad at someone else here? Good lord, people, just calm the frell down. It seems like a good number of these arguments come from stupid misunderstandings. If people just took time to really understand what's going on, or what people actually feel, and why they actually feel that way, 90% of all this dren would be taken care of.
Then one tries to be an intermediate to actually straighten one of these situations out, and then gets bypassed, trouble he KNEW would result results, and then is thought of as useless. Yeah, thanks so much.
Lord, I have so much of my own stuff to deal with, I can't get involved in other people's. Hell, the whole issue with Matt nearly drove me insane. And then, because I backed off, he assumes I'm not his friend anymore. When I try to assure him I am and just need time to deal with my own stuff, he doesn't respond.
Speaking of gay boys who don't respond . . . I ran into an extremely interesting/disconcerting fact tonight . . . So James (only other Dana gay boy besides myself, who blew me off last fall) and John (the guy from high school that has lead me on, then dissappeared on two seperate occasions) apperantly know eachother. I ran across James's LJ this evening, and he has John listed as one of his friends . . . How the hell are they connected other than they both blew me off? I have no idea how in the world they would know each other, and the whole thing just messes with my head even further.
And, finally, I have my appointment with the research director of the Monoclonal Antibody Facility at UNMC tomorrow. I'm pretty excited, but also really nervous. I have no idea what to expect. I hope Dr. Murch-Shafer can come with me. I'm worried I'll look and feel really dumb otherwise.
But yeah . . . life goes on, I guess . . .
"From hour to hour we ripe and ripe, And then from hour to hour we rot and rot."
Eric 3/08/2005 01:52:00 AM
