Awww, just 'cause I like yummy food doesn't mean I'm gluttonous, does it? Well . . . maybe a little bit. *shrug*
So . . . yeah . . . I open tomorrow . . . well, today actually. Wow, I just really wish I had another week to work on this. I really wish I had another two weeks to work on this. Ugh.
Everything has just been so crammed. I had my final dress rehearsal and, well, I got through it. It was . . . interesting . . . I think we have all the tech kinks worked out, and well, the show won't be bad. At the very least it'll be ok.
Except I don't want "ok". I want great. I want powerful. I want realistic. And "ok" isn't any of those things.
I met with Doc again today and he told me that at this point, the only thing I can do is to just put forth as much energy as I can and make everything physical bigger. He could go on for ages about details and things to fix, but it's too late to keep going into those. I have to focus on the show as a whole now.
It's so frustrating because I'm onstage and I can tell how I'm doing. Well, to some extent. My little internal guage is telling me that I'm not doing as good as I could be, as I have in the past. And to take a step backward in my final theater performance of college is not something I'm excited about.
Granted, I've memorized about 60 pages of lines in a little more than a week, which is a huge accomplishment by itself. But the thing is, is that I'm at the point in the performance process where I'm using all of my concentration just to get the right words out. I don't have anything left over to concentrate on my body movements, my vocal qualities, my facial expressions, nothing. And Doc notices it too.
God, acting is so incredibly difficult. You have to concentrate on so much in order to be good. You have to be in complete control of your body and your mind. Right now I'm so busy keeping my mind under control, I can't spare any focus for my body. And I can feel my performance suffer for it.
Working with Doc, he makes so many suggestions that I should have seen before. I mean, it's so obvious after he shows me, but I'm just not far enough in the rehearsal process to pick up on them yet.
Tonight I went to see Star Wars (which was actually *gasp* good) with a group of people from Dana. As we were going to be sitting in the theater for 2 hours, I brought my script along with me, to continue going over lines so I can feel more comfortable with them. Afterall, when the words are 2nd nature to me, I can focus my attention on other things to improve my performance.
While I was going through the script, it started to happen! Ideas and guestures and physicalizations, and staging were just LEAPING off the page at me. It was like I was reading a whole different script. So, the invention/interperetation part is starting to happen. It's just starting to happen the night before I open . . . I don't have much time tomorrow to work out any of my new ideas either, so, I guess I'll just see what happens . . .
So many people are coming, and so many people are looking forward to it. I don't want to dissappoint them. I want to show them how good a performer I can be. I want to go out of the Dana theater with a bang! I want this to be really really really really good.
Wow, I really wish I had started on this sooner . . .
