Employment sucks ass too. But at least when I had a job I could afford to feed myself instead of having to rely on my family. I swear, they'll spend $300 on groceries and it'll last 4 days while they don't go shopping again for another week and a half. I feel like I'm foraging for food in my house. I find a little something edible here, and a little something edible there. Then it seems like half the time I find something to make, it's missing a key ingredient. Like I want to make cookies, but there's no butter, or chicken tenders, but there's no bbq, or a sammich, but there's no peanut butter.
So yeah, I've been eating one meal a day, and snaking on little bits of stuff that I can find in the meantime. It's not healthy at all. I think the only thing that's remotely healthy about my eating habits the past month are the fact that I can't ever find enough food to over-eat, and I can't afford to eat fast food for every other meal.
Of course my stomach has been cramping sporadically (but frequently) for the past 2 weeks. I have no idea why. The sensation is just so bizzare. It's almost like hunger pangs, but they're 10 times as severe, and they're burning. I mean, they've been waking me up in the middle of the morning for the past week, and I can never go to sleep at night because of them. I really would like to know what's going on, but I can't afford to go to the doctor.
And, yeah, so my bio clock is all retarded. I can't ever fall asleep before 6-7 in the morning, and sleep till 5 in the evening(Minus the couple hours between 11-1 in the afternoon where stomach cramps wake me up). I really am nocturnal now . . .
So aside from not eating well, not sleeping well, and being broke, I'm fine. Of course there really isn't anything going on either . . .
But I'm getting stuff accomplished in FFXI, which is always good. And I'm playing through Chrono Trigger when I can't fall asleep at night.
Lord, the only interesting things going on in my life are videogames . . . I feel really pathetic now.
The show I was in, A View From the Bridge, ended a week ago yesterday. Man, it was such an awesome show! I can't even describe what an incredible experience it was. It was the total opposite of my Midsummer experience in so many ways. All three reviews in the paper said it was really good, and 2 of them said it was the best drama in the area this theater season! Everything was just so polished and PERFECT. I feel like I learned a lot, and I got to play a character VERY different from what I usually play. Well, not VERY, but you know, differert. Instead of yet another brooding serious dramatic guy, I got to be the guy who's the life of the party. I got to make people laugh! It was great! AND I got to be dramatic too. Everything about the show was just great. I've never been so proud of a production before.
And then no one came to see it . . .
Ok, some people came to see it. My family came to see it, and Doc came to see it, and some of my friends I met through Eric came. But that was it. No one from Dana came, none of my old high school friends came. It really really bothers me too. A couple weeks ago I was up at Dana to see the Band Concert and the Chorale Concert. Hell, I started bawling in the middle of the chorale concert because I realized how much I missed being in choir, and singing with all those great people! And afterwards I got to see everyone again, and they were telling me how they miss me and we should hang out and I should come to Dana more often. And I told them about the show I was in, and why my hair was blonde, and that I REALLY wanted them to come.
They said they would.
They didn't. Not a single one. So, what am I supposed to think? Well, there's a lot of things I could think, not all of them neccesarily true. But what it all comes down to is:
Coming to see my show wasn't important enough to them.
I mean, if it was important at all, they would've come, right? If something is important to me, I make sure it gets done. Now, whether that means that I'M not important enough to them is another deal altogether. Maybe they just had other stuff they wanted to do. Maybe they didn't feel like going to see a show. I dunno. And it wasn't like I told them how important it was to ME that they come see it.
And really, for most of them, it's not really a big deal. The one that really really REALLY REALLY REALLY bothers me was that Scott never came. We were so close during college! We went through so much, and he never came to see anything I was in this year, and now I'll probably never see him again. After I went to his 1-man-show, he told me how excited he was to come see 'View' and how he really wanted to see me in something and he missed hanging out, etc. And then he never showed.
It's weird because it's not so painful as it is . . . THERE. How can I explain this . . . It's something that whenever I think of Scott, there will be this there. Any memory of him I have will be accompanied by the fact that he didn't come when he said he would. It sounds so petty, I know. And it's not like I'm PISSED or anything. I'm just going to remember that. If I ever see him again, with every word he tells me, I'll remember he never came. I have no idea if that makes any sense at all.
But, hell, I think the only people that ever read this are my new friends I've just met over the past 6 months, Jo Ellen, Sudeep, and Matt. Does Alex read this anymore? I dunno. He's busy with his bf anyway, and for some reason I feel like any contact with him would be an intrusion. It's a paranoid and stupid feeling, but it's there.
But yeah, Jo, wow, I miss you. To answer some of your questions, off the top of my head: I was sorting corn, but that ended, and then I got another job testing chemicals, but that ended too, so now I'm unemployed and broke. The auditions didn't go anywhere, and I couldn't afford to do the summer training things either, so I'm back at step one there as well.
OH! And the thing I was going to blog about nearly 2 months ago! Ok, I was at a party at the Kurzs'house(couple who run Brigit St. Brigit theater). And Scott (not to be confused with the friend from college) showed us this short film he and a couple friends made for a competition. The film was freakin' awesome (they won), and he told us how he has this idea to start an independent film company in Omaha.
He knows this guy who is writing a novel, and Scott wants to adapt it into a movie, and send it to film festivals and stuff and try and make enough money to start an actual film company which will allow him and Kathy to not only pay people making the movies, but will give Brigit St. Brigit a bigger budget and pay the actors in the theater as well.
It sounds all grandiose and far-fetched, but they way Scott talked about it, it all sounded so POSSIBLE. He talked about how there are so many people willing to pour money into independent movies, and they all turn out so crappy, and Scott really feels like he knows how to make a good movie and how to do it without spending so much money. This novel he wants to adapt would make a pretty block-buster-ish action movie, and for an independent movie to be something of that caliber, and to be made cheaply is practically unheard of and would be something to catch peoples' eyes.
He's looking at starting this in about 2 years. He's so confident and excited about it, that I was getting excited just listening to him talk. This is something I definitely want to be a part of, and it could open so many doors for so many people. If anyone could pull this off, it'd be Scott.
On another exciting note, my boyfriend Eric is going to actually produce one of the plays he's written this summer. It's called Acrobat, and it's absolutely phenomenal. It centers around a young man named Arthur. One year prior to the events in the play, Arthur met his current boyfriend the same night his best friend committed suicide. The story largely explores how Arthur's guilt about this night affects his relationship with his boyfriend, and in turn affects their entire circle of friends.
I really love the way it's written. There's all these really cool flash-back and dream sequences that make it a really cinematic play. He's got a soundtrack already made for it, and wants to do a lot of cool lighting effects. This is just the type of play that I've always wanted to be in! Plays like this make me want to be an actor.
He's producing it along with our friend Melanie. He's also directing it, and he's going to hold auditions at the beginning of July, with the performances being in mid August.
Aaaand I don't even know why I'm putting this all here because anyone who reads this that DOESN'T know about it is too far away to come, but, meh, I'm just really excited about it.
On that note, I think I'm gonna head off to play some more Chrono Trigger till I'm tired enough to fall asleep.
Oh, and if anyone has any idea what I can actually DO with a bio degree (besides go to med school) let me know, because I have no clue.
What does one do witha Biology degree? I for one would be astonished that I actually got it. You're WAY smarter than me. I'd just start doing as much theatre as possible.
Yes, I still read this. Alex reads it occasionally. And well, I've hung out with him a lot. Hes not always with his boyfriend, nor would it be intruding to call him, or me for that matter. I sent you an e-mail. And well, I hope you take some incentive to actually write back.
I find it ironic that you have this feeling about people not showing up. Well, if one knows nothing about something, they can't come. OH, and let me get back to ironic. You see, if you wish people to incitate contact with you, you also have to take effort in doing the same. Everyones been telling me that I'll just keep blabbering out my mouth about you contacting us, and that I will see no results of it. I hope my faith in them being wrong is well, hope. But you hold that in your hands for I have no control.
Bio degree... what is it? BS or BA? Normally it only matters that you have a degree. And since you do, you can do anything that requires one unless it is specified (the job) what type or what field.
Matt kind of took the long way around it, but simply enough, YES I still read this. Of course I do! Jeez! (When you write in it!!) And I look on your myspace occasionally too but that rarely changes. And I'm not *always* busy with Jason. More often than not, I don't even actually get TO see him. So pretty much I am almost always around, same as ever. And either way, it would never be an intrusion. (P.S. YOU are never online anymore when I am! =P)
And as for the unemployment and degree issues. First of all, if theater isn't a paying thing, eventually there comes a time when you HAVE to just set priorities and do what it takes to support *yourself* rather than relying on others. THEN find time to re-focus on loftier accomplishments. Even Hollywood actors had to work REAL jobs to start with and I'm sure most don't even HAVE a degree to fall back on (which by the way doesn't mean you *have* to do something 'biological'--a degree looks good no matter where or what. it shows you worked towards something.) You can't survive on applause alone.
Anyway, call me! IM me! Email me! Anything! I'm pretty much always around as I'd ever been and I can still talk to other people even when I am with Jason!(And you haven't even got to hear me bitch about X-Men 3 yet!)
I do still read your blog!!! I check back every couple of days...but lately there haven't been as many updates! If I were in Omaha you know I would come to your shows...atleast I hope you know that. I am sorry we don't talk nearly as much as we should. It's very hard since we are never online at the same time (and from your blog seems like we have EXACT opposite schedules). The few times you have been online and I have imed you, I actually ended up talking to the other Eric...but I try!!! You should e-mail me (bethany.meuleners@gmail.com) and let me know what would be a good time to catch you on the phone and we can set up a phone date.
And with the biology degree... I agree many jobs don't require a specific degree, they just require a degree. Try management trainee programs (marketing, car rental places, etc) or even maybe working at a bank as a teller (not a fun job, just an example, and the hours aren't bad).
Anyways, I have full confidence you will find something that works for you! I love you and I miss you and e-mail me and let me know what your deal is for when we can have a phone date:)
Please post showtimes. I'm planning a July run to Nebraska to check up with Camp and Camp people as much as I can. Perhaps I can fit it into my schedule. BTW, I have no idea what to do with a biology degree; however I've found it quite useful in getting employed to do things which don't require the degree; either just a college degree or "experience" that I don't often happen to have. Best of luck with everything!
