I fucking LOVE Garbage. Seriously. They really are a fucking amazing band. Recently, while killing time before rehearsal at Borders, I ran across a "greatest hits" collection of Garbage, that included a new track and a bonus disc full of remixes of their songs.
Fucking Awesome.
The CD booklet includes an overview/review of the band's career so far, and it describes Garbage perfectly- the music industry's dark, imposing, difficult to classify, outsider rock band. Maybe it's just a continuation of my acknowledged fascination of darkness (even the aforementioned Cherry Lips lyrics tell a twisted story using a bright, pop-y 60's rock melody; very Blue Velvet David Lynchian), or even my fascination of outsiders in general (my nearly exclusive superhero interest is the X-Men. When I think about it, I really have no specific interest in other "comic" heros. Plus, my obsession with Vampires- another dark outsider theme), but there's just so much in the music that I connect to. Just the very music itself sucks me in, regardless of the lyrics. God, I need to see this band in concert.
I love going back to a band or CD that I haven't listened to in a while, and being reminded about why I enjoyed it so much in the first place. It's not exactly nostalgia, but more of an "oh YEAH!" kind of thing. The same thing happens with videogames, books, and movies as well. It's as though, over time, I my memory becomes fuzzy enough that when I pick it up again, it's like I'm experiencing it for the first time again.
Or maybe I just have Alzheimer's?
Anyway, I'm blogging from work again. After a long week of having relatively little to do, they decided they wanted to make product on Saturday, and, seeing as how I missed a week of work for my Chicago trip, here I am, making some over-time to pay 'dem bills.
Yay for $18.75 an hour overtime for sitting around blogging! WOO!
So yeah, Chicago . . .
Chicago . . .
. . .
Chicago . . .
Chicago was . . .
. . .
Overall, not a positive experience. I won't say that I wish I never went, because I like to think that I'll grow as a person and those less than joyful experiences will somehow make me stronger . . .
Hopefully?
Fuck, I'm being cryptic again, aren't I? Well, let's just say that the combination of extreme anxiety and paranoia of grad school auditions, blossoming into extreme anxiety and nervousness of the future in general, prompting huge doubts about everything in my life right now, mixed in with severe expulsion of bodily fluids a'la some sort of food poisoning, on top of frigid, bitterly cold weather and hiking through miles of snow and slush just to get anywhere in the damn city . . .
And maybe you can begin to see why I don't view this trip very positively in retrospect.
Maybe I'm being too negative. I did have a good time at points of the trip. The Aquarium was cool, and the Science and Industry Museum was really cool (although I'm sure it'd have been more enjoyable if my stomach hadn't spent the entire visit struggling to keep it's contents from exploding out).
It was really interesting to see a professional production of Shining City, too. I was actually amazed at how different it was from BSB's production. Well . . . I was amazed at how much I thought ours was better, actually. In the Chicago production, I really didn't like any of the characters. John was a loud, annoying prick. Ian was a jumpy, nervous, screetchy nerd. Neasa was a grumpy argumentative bitch. And Laurence was . . . just kinda there?
Seriously, it was just really hard to connect with the characters, and CARE about them, because they were all so unlikable. Yes, they were still realistic, and they were well performed. But if the audience can't connect with the characters and can't bring themselves to care about the story, the production isn't fullfilling the purpose of the play.
There were so many beats that Cathy worked into our production that really pulled the audience in. Scott's John didn't strutt out onstage and obnoxiously bellow his problems to the room. Aaron's Ian wasn't a nervous, timid, twitchy recluse who spoke in an annoying high-pitched nasaly voice. In our production you could actually believe the commraderie between the two characters. In Chicago, I was surprised Ian would let John through the door in the first place. Jennifer portrayed Neasa with several different levels, and it was clear that she was hurting and frustrated, instead of Chicago's Neasa who spent the whole time ranting and raving at the timid, screetchy Ian.
And then there's Laurence. You know, I think I can honestly say that this particular scene was one where Chicago may have been more effective. I dunno. While watching it, I saw the scene in a new light, a light that I think Cathy was going for all along, and I really don't know if I acheived it or not. Chicago's Laurence was, well, kinda scary. He was dirty and decrepit- like a homeless person would be, I guess. It's hard to determine how I feel about that, though. I mean, on one hand, it's more authentic. On the other, as an audience member, the scene went from being about a misguided attempt to connect with someone to a self-destructive gambling with your own life, type of thing. Well, that wasn't ALL it was about, but the depiction of Laurence was very jarring and made for a feeling of uneasy . . . gahh, what's the word? Menace is too strong a word . . . but, I defnitely felt some worry that Laurence would suddenly beat Ian to death and run out with the money at any point.
And now that I think about it, that's not the point of the scene at all. So either I totally misinterpereted the scene I watched, or I totally misinterpereted the scene I read and performed.
And then, at the end of the scene, after Ian has his breakdown (which ended up being a physical seizure instead of an emotional conflict- which was . . . odd . . .), Ian and Laurence embraced and stood there. It was . . . it was touching. It gave some closure to the scene. It wasn't a sexual embrace, Laurence was just holding Ian. Almost comforting him. I think that final moment brought the scene together, despite all the awkward directions it had taken before hand.
Let's see . . . we also hung out with Eric's old friends from UNL. That was . . . cool. Well, honestly, I felt really awkward and 3rd wheel-ish the whole time. They mostly reminisced about their college days and exchanged updates on the other people they knew (heh, kind of like nearly every conversation that I have with an old friend from school), so I really couldn't join in on the conversations very much. It wasn't bad or anything, and I enjoyed getting to meet Chad and Layne. It was just kind of awkward.
Ohhh, god . . . meeting Layne was . . . shit, I don't know. I mean, I've heard so much about him that he's been like some sort of mythical legend or something. Fuck, he's The Arthur from Acrobat. The Layne, you know? The Mythical, Prestigous, Fascinating Layne. It was just . . . weird . . . Even now, looking back in, it's like he's not real. God, does that sound hokey? It sounds Hokey, I know. I just don't know any other way to describe the experience. It certainly didn't help matters that the first night we hung out, we all went bar-hopping and I got wasted . . . You know, there's a reason I don't like to drink much any more, and I was unmercifully reminded of that, that Saturday night. And, of course, Layne's sudden mention of a rocky relationship with his boyfriend the next morning (along with supsequent rapid reconciliation) was very suspiscious. But, you know, what-the-fuck ever . . .
You know, I really just don't like gay guys. I really don't. Like, REALLY don't. Have I said I don't? Because I don't . . . They're all so fucking self-absorbed and vain and over-dramatic, and shallow, and manipulative, and . . . and . . .
Just like me . . .
Fuck . . .
Oh, hell, I have gay guys as friends. But you know something, none of them really fit the gay stereotype. I know for a fact that that's why I'm with Eric. I don't think I could stand a conversation with most gay guys longer than a couple minutes. Thank God for guys like Eric, John, Steve, Alex, Matt, and I guess that's it. Wow. That list is shorter than I thought it'd be, yes, even after my previous rant about asshole gays.
Anyway, back to Chicago. I'm actually nearly done here at work, and tempted just to leave this and go home, promising to finish later, but we all know that's not going to happen. So, either I finish now (while getting overtime), or the 2-3 people that check this every week will have to live with the dissappointment of never knowing the rest of the story!
And we can't have that.
So, Chicago. The Grad School Auditions.
1. University of Delaware. This is the school I most want to attend. At first it started out as a "Bethany went there, so I wanna go too!" kind of thing, but after actually looking at their program, I really really REALLY do want to go there. They accept one class every 4 years so they can fully concentrate on it. They train primarily with the classics. And they pay for everything. Everything. I didn't have to pay an audition fee, and if I make call-backs, travel and accomodations are taken care of.
The audition consisted of 2 hours of going through excercises with the faculty members, followed by the typical 2 monologue presentation. I think I did really well with the exercises, particularly the vocal ones. Well, there was the point where they had us (we auditioned in groups of 6-10) sing our songs and because I hadn't started working on a song until earlier that afternoon, the words flew completely out of my head, and after a miserably, tortuously long 30 seconds of fumbling and making up notes, I told them to pass me.
Really, other than that, I couldn't be happier with my audition. Performing my monologues in front of the group I auditioned with, in addition to the faculty, gave me an audience to play for, and I think that really helped my delivery. Plus, it was really fun interacting with the other auditionees. I really think that part of what they were looking at was how we interacted with eachother in a group setting, and I think I demonstrated how much fun I had with them, and how supportive I was.
Yay me!
But yeah, if anything kills me, I think it's the song flub that could undo me. Maybe they'll interperet it as I didn't prepare as much as the others (which I didn't, really- I have no idea why I didn't just do something from a show I've already done instead of trying to learn a whole new song), or they'll interperet it as I freeze up under pressure, I dunno. But other than that, I feel like it was a positive experience. I should know something by the end of February.
2. NTC. I auditioned for them last time. Their program looks interesting, even if it doesn't really seem to have anything to distinguish it from other schools- it just seems like a run-of-the-mill acting training program. It's in Denver (the closest of the 3 schools), and also pays for your tuition for you. Last time, this was the one school where the auditioner really made me feel welcome, and made me feel good about my audition.
Sooooooo not the case this year. It isn't that anything went differently, though; it's the fact that everything went the same. And I mean EXACTLY the same. The guy made the exact same comments that he did 2 years ago. From "recognizing" me, to commenting on how he "didn't know people still did The Apple Tree", and finishing up with "are you free for call-back weekend?"
It was soo eerily the same, I have to wonder if the guy just has a script he follows with each auditionee.
Plus, that was the day I really started feeling sick, and I think it was probably my weakest audition.
Anyway, I heard back from them yesterday, and they were "unable" to offer my a place at call-back weekend. Yeah, you know, they really TRIED to, and WANTED to, but they just, you know, COULDN'T have me come.
Hell, I think the rejection e-mail follows the exact same format as my rejection e-mail 2 years ago. God, and to think I wanted to audition for them again because I thought they were the most personable?
Whatever, NTC . . .
3. The Olde Globe Theatre at USD. This is the program I knew the least about, and was largely auditioning based on Emily's referral to her good experience visiting there. The program focuses on the classics like UD, but the program is 2 years instead of 3, leading me to wonder what about this program allows you to finish training a year earlier. Or maybe they just don't give as much training. I didn't know. I still don't.
Anyway, I think my audition went well. I was even more ill by this point, but I still think it was a fairly strong audition. Hell if I know, though. They were also very interested that I had done Shining City (actually, all 3 schools seemed impressed by choice of the Shining City monologue). Then they asked me briefly (very briefly) about Dana, and that was that.
Anyway, this school doesn't have a call-back weekend . . . so they, apperantly, choose their 10 or so students straight from a 4 minute monologue presentation and a 3 question interview . . . How the hell they make such a big decision based on such limited experience is beyond me. So, yeah, I think USD is a crap-shoot more than anything. I won't know anything from them until mid-march, but I'm not holding my breath.
So, yeah, those were my auditions. If I get called back by UD, I'm going to be in trouble b/c that's right in the middle of the run of Hatful of Rain. I mean, I would HAVE to go to call-backs- no question about it. But I have no idea what would happen to the show. I'm hoping they would just schedule it for a different weekend, but who knows? I'll deal with that when it comes to it.
All in all, though, I'm really not holding out for positive results of these auditions. I mean, I felt like I did a MUCH better job this year, and I feel MUCH more prepared for further acting training, but this whole audition process just seems so subjective that it's almost like winning the lottery just to get accepted. I liked applying for schools much better when a certain grade could objectively qualify you or disqualify you. Acting school isn't so black and white.
Hell, just yesterday Doc told me that he doesn't understand why I'm not in acting school already. He had a former student accepted into ACT, and he says that my acting abilities are way beyond what his were when he was accepted, and my vocal skills are even further beyond than that.
So, yeah, I dunno. If only Doc was the head of faculty at a respected grad school program, I'd be all set . . .
But, honestly, not making it this year wouldn't be the end of the world. I mean, BSB is starting to take off, and they have a brand new space next year, and the collaberation with the Blue Barn excites the hell out of me. I would love to be around for that almost as much as I'd like to go to grad school. Fuck, if I could get a professional acting position with BSB, I'd be perfectly content with my life.
Although I can't help but think that if I recieved grad school training, I'd be better able to help BSB make their plans of establishing a regional theatre into a reality . . .
Alright, the samples here at work are done, so I really ought to get going. It's Jordan's B-day, and I'm going to take him out to do stuff. Well, actually, his b-day was yesterday, but I was at work/rehearsal all day yersterday, so today will have to do.
Man, I really ought to blog more often. This is so much more cathartic than I remember.
