Life is full of them, this weekend being no exception, and in that particular order. Maybe I'm over-reacting about the downs, but they're the most recent, and therefore freshest in my memory. Damn Downs. So, yeah, what to talk about first? The good stuff, or the stuff that is actually on my mind? I suppose chronological order is best, and I was planning on blogging about prom anyway.
I can honestly say (and I'm sorry Bethany) that I went to the absolute best prom ever. And I've been to 5, so I think I'm a pretty good judge. Ever since I came out to myself I wanted to go to prom with a guy. It's been a dream/fanasy of mine for a long time. Unfortunately, I never had a chance to go to prom with a guy. Until this weekend, that is. And it was everything I dreamed it would be. Well, almost. Steve and I aren't dating, but besides that, it was just like I dreamed. It was one of those moments in your life where you feel like you truly make a difference. When we first walked in, I was a little self-conscious. I was in the midst of a couple hundred people I didn't know and was challenging their conformist minds, and I had no idea how people would take it. I mean, my high school director's wife practically refused to take Steve's and my picture. Actually, she just looked at us with a confused look on her face, and then Steve decided not to push it and walked away. It was exciting to defy the norm and be different. Steve and I were stared at all night long. Every time I'd turn my head people would be staring and quickly looking away, or huddled in groups whispering and glancing at us. But it felt good. People's ways of thinking need to be challenged. If they aren't, society, and humanity can't advance. Steve and I single handedly confronted the views of, what seemed to be, about 200 people.
But being gawked at wasn't the best part. The best part was actually going with Steve. Going to prom with a guy for the sake of going with a guy. Steve and I were being true to ourselves and it felt very liberating. It was only awkward in the beginning, but that was because Steve and I couldn't decide how to slow dance. But I let him be the butch, so I had to get used to dancing like a girl, but it was fine after a little while and I really got into it. Steve and I went as friends, and even though I've got to 4 other proms with female friends, it felt different. It's hard to explain, but it . . . felt more right, I suppose. I mean, if a striaght guy was forced to go to a dance with another guy, it would be a little awkward. It's kinda the same thing for a gay guy to go to a dance with a girl. I say "kinda" only because in that case it would be defying a norm, and is a little different. But that's just society's influence, which shouldn't matter when it comes to the appropriateness of the situation.
What am I trying to say here? I'm not saying that going with girls is a bad thing. It's not. It's fun. But going with guys is just more fun because . . . well, it is. I can't explain it, and I've never been truly good with words. But it certainly would be an interesting world where guys were practically forced to take other guys to dances because it was the norm. People should think about that. They should put themselves in the situation of the minority to try and see what it's like. It really puts things into perspective and, it broadens and challenges your views. As I've said before, that is a very good thing in my opinion.
So yeah, I had an amazing time at prom. I lived out a fantasy of mine, hung out with good friends, and the prom itself was very well done. The decorations were beuatiful, the music was ok. A little heavy on the rap, but there was some variety. And the building was very nice overall. And it wasn't too crowded! (My major complaint of Millard North proms) I convinced Tabby to go with Jason. Or rather, I convinced Jason to ask Tabby. Tabby didn't need any convincing. Jason seemed a little unsure about the idea, but I think he enjoyed it in the end. I kept trying to get them to hook up. Why? I don't know. I just think they would work out well for some reason. They're both cool people, and . . . yeah, they're cool. But neither one seemed too keen on the idea of making out and giving each-other hickeys . . . oh well. I guess my little stint at match-making didn't work out too well. But at least they're friends. Yay for friends.
After prom was pretty aweseome too. After the people finally let me in (honestly, how difficult is a hyphenated name? It's no different from a regular name except it has an extra symbol in it . . . sheesh) we immediately hit the food. Pizza is good. And our delicious Chinese food was a little bit too far in the past, and I needed more sustanence. And then we made tracks for the Human Hamster Balls, which also kicked ass. Tabby and I did a Kareoke duet of Summer Nights, but forgot to do our plug for the show. We gambled a little and harrassed Jason for winning the main door prize. It was mostly out of jealousy. I mean, I've never won anything at a prom at all. But I suppose it makes up for the shitty robbery, so it's ok. I mean, that tv is probably worth $800-1000 dollars. It's a 27 inch tv with a built in DVD and VCR. I was looking at TVs earlier in the year, and a 12 inch TV/DVD/VCR combo is worth $500. And according to Alan, this was a top of the line one too. Sooooooo jealous.
And I feel the need to exclaim the fact that Skutt seems to be bursting with beautiful people. Or at least it seems like it is. I mean, recently I have been feeling rather positive about my looks. But I go to prom and I see all these high school people who are all drop dead gorgeous and muscled tanned, and I started to feel inadequate after the initial drooling. And all the buff Abercrombie models had skinny itty bitty blondes attatched to their sides . . . It was like a freaking model convention. Not to mention the fact that they are all rather well-off (they do go to a private school after all) and it was a little bruising to my ego. Hell, there is a body-builder in their class. A BODY-BUILDER!! Good god. I don't know how Steve can keep his drool in his mouth when he goes to school everyday. But, maybe I'm over-reacting a bit. It was just how I felt at the time, and I do have a tendency to over-react to things initially. More on over-reacting later on . . .
Anyway, now that that rant is over, I shall continue with the evening's events. Wait, there weren't too many more. Oh well, rather shortly after we found out Jason won, the hypnotist started. Steve and Tabby went up, but Steve got sent back because he wasn't being hypnotized. He said the people laughing kept bringing him out of it. But the entire point of being hypnotized is for people to laugh at you, so he probably wouldn't have lasted long anyway. Then again, maybe if he actually made it through the hypnosis part, he would've been fine. Who knows? I'm sure he'll have another chance someday. And, honestly, the people shouldn't have been laughing. The guy told them to be quiet, and people falling asleep isn't that funny . . .
But yeah, so Tabby is really good at being hypnotized. She was completely out of it, and she was hilarious. Although I do find it annoying that school impose that silly, keep your clothes on rule during the show. Things would get soooo much more interesting without it. But I have a really dirty mind, so . . .
That pretty much wraps up the evening. Jason couldn't fit the TV in his car, so he left it there, and drove us back to my house. Then Steve stayed a bit longer, and he and Tabby and I talked a little. Then I started nodding off, so he left and Tabby and I went to bed. It was nearly 6:00 a.m. by the time we got down to my room. So we slept for 5 hours and got up to go to pur choir concert. Steve didn't show up like he said he would, but oh well. One of the music teachers at Dana, Jean Marie Neilson, sang at out concert too. She does that a lot lately, and I'm not sure why. I mean, these are chorale concerts and then a teacher sings solos during the program. I find it a bit odd. I wouldn't mind it at all if I knew the reasoning behind it, but I'm jsut confused. She has a really pretty voice, though. Probably the prettiest voice I remember hearing. But she sang eight songs. 8! We were sitting there for a long time. I don't know exactly how long b/c I kept nodding off, but it seemed like forever. I mean, I was actually dreaming. I had some dream about some little blonde haired girl playing with dolls . . . Why? I don't know. Dreams are messed up. But supposedly you have to be sleeping for 4 hours before you get to REM to dream. And I apperantly did this while she was singing . . . sooooo . . . yeah, it was a long time. She was, literally, a third of the concert. And our director, Dr. Palmer, kept telling us that we need to clap a lot and tell her how good she is. I also found this odd . . . he said it so much it made e wonder if she's having some mid-life crisis and has lost faith in herself and is in some depression where she needs to sing publicly and be given standing ovations so she doesn't go into despair and end up in a mental ward or something. Yeah, my imagination runs away with me. But it was avery confusing situation and I would really appreciate someone enlightening me on the reasons behind the awkward behavior.
Holy shit, this is a long post. But I have a lot to talk about. And I'm sure all the people who actually read this were blog starved over the weekend. I'm here to fill your blog appettites!
So yeah, after the concert I conned my mom into taking Tabby and I to Spaghetti Works. That was yummy. Very yummy. And afterward Tabby and I hustled off to go to Grease practice which lasted 45 minutes late . . . very irritating. And then I discovered that I would not be able to go to sleep as I originally planned because I had a paper for anatomy and a packet of worsheets for child pych. Anatomy is done. I still have to do child psych . . . and it's going to take a while. I miss sleep, I really do. I forget what it's like now, except that it's very, very relaxing . . .
So, I come back to my room where my Down begins. Damnit. Recalling my awesome weekend actually made me feel better, but now I'm back to the shit that's recently happened. Let me share with you . . .
I got an IM message from Nick. At first I was excited as all hell, but then the conversation continued. Here, let me post it:
elloscomemos: hello
CireFF: hi
elloscomemos: ok
elloscomemos: not to be rude
elloscomemos: but i forgot who this is
CireFF: Eric
elloscomemos: from where?
CireFF: From Omaha
CireFF: We met a couple weeks ago . . .
elloscomemos: oh yes
elloscomemos: :-)
elloscomemos: im sorry i was drunk by 330 pm today
CireFF: ahhhh
CireFF: So, you're drunk now?
elloscomemos: no
elloscomemos: recovering
CireFF: oh
elloscomemos: i got drunk at a pride potluck
CireFF: cool
CireFF: How was it?
elloscomemos: pretty exciting once i got drunk i hear
CireFF: lol
CireFF: you don't remember?
elloscomemos: not so clearly
elloscomemos: i had half a bottle of hot damn
CireFF: heh
elloscomemos: just a lil to drink u know
CireFF: yeah, I understand
CireFF: So, how's Michigan so far?
elloscomemos: so so
CireFF: Well, I tell ya, Omaha is just fascinating . . .
elloscomemos: lol
elloscomemos: i bet
CireFF: elloscomemos: dually noted
CireFF: heh
CireFF: Oh, happy birthday, by the way. I forgot to tell you that.
CireFF: Even though it is a bit late
elloscomemos: lol
elloscomemos: tis ok
elloscomemos: noone cares anyways
elloscomemos: just another day
CireFF: No one cared?
CireFF: That's sad.
CireFF: Birthdays are supposed to be important
elloscomemos: itll be soon over
elloscomemos: *over soon
CireFF: what will?
CireFF: birthdays?
elloscomemos: i dunno
elloscomemos: im babbling
elloscomemos: dont worry
elloscomemos: im crazy
CireFF: ok . . .
elloscomemos: hehehhehe
CireFF: Well, I've got a lot of homework, so I'll talk to you later.
elloscomemos: k
elloscomemos: ttyl
elloscomemos: byez
Thus was the conversation. I said I had to go because I was confused as all hell and wasn't sure what to say to him, so I figured I should end it and know that I ended it, and he didn't just stop responding and ignore me. I mean . . . he forgot who I was . . . Well, not who I am, but who my screenname is. It makes me doubt my importance to him. Obviosuly it's not very high. But then again, maybe it's more mind games . . . Also not a good thing. I wish I knew him better because I am really in the dark. And then there's the whole "It'll be over soon" . . . What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is he depressed? It he suicidal? That scared me. Then he said to ignore him. I really don't know what to think at all. I think my brian has just been overloaded and if I actually felt everything, my brian would explode . . .
And then I read Steve's blog, and learn an interesting fact about Jason's blog. So, I go to Jason's blog to read it first hand. And, well, let's just say that my reaction is less than positive. You can go read Jason's blog yourself to understand what I'm talking about. But Jason went into a huge rant about Steve and I. And it was a fairly hateful rant. I don't know what prompted this rant. I mean, the events described were a week old at the time of his posting. But the whole thing really threw me off. Jason appears to be a very, very easy-going guy. Apperantly, that is not the case. True, Steve and I had a pasttime of attempting to disturb Jason. True, we had to bring up some sick stuff in order to do it. But the thing is, we kept going because he didn't react. We'd say something and he would laugh and sigh and blow it off. He didn't seem to care and seemed to think it wass funny. And when he finally kicked us out of his car, he was laughing. Not a "HAHA, that's hilarious" laugh, but an, "Oh my god, I can't believe you said that" laugh. He acted like it wasn't a terribly big deal. Apperantly, that's not what he thought at all. So, he goes on this rant and exclaims that if every gay guy acted like Steve and I, he would be a "Shotgun-totin' anti-gay". And, well, that pissed me off beyond words. To claim that your friends inspire you to carry a weapon with the intent to hurt people seems RIDICULOUSLY strong for the situation, and not to mention disgustinly violent and atrocious. And for another thing, I find that Steve and I are probably the most normal gay people I know. If Jason has a problem with us, he'd definitely be blowing fags heads off if he met any other gay people in Omaha, which seriously makes me wonder about Jason's character . . . I though I was getting to know him better, and apperantly, I've been wrong. Plus, if he had a problem, or has a problem in the future, HE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING!!!! You can't just complain behind people's backs and be pissed at them if they have no idea your pissed because you DON'T SAY ANYTHING. That really ticks me off that he can't just tell Steve and I that we were seriously bothering him. Because if he had said so, we would've stopped long before we brought up anything nasty. He acts very accepting, and apperantly, that's not how he is.
So, yeah, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act around Jason now. At all. I stopped talking to him tonight after I read it. I didn't want to rip into him before I had a chance to think about it, because that would just make things worse. Soooo . . I thought about it. And I re-read it. And I came to some conclusions. First of all, being Jason's blog, it's somewhat private. So, he's just being honest in it and it's not specifically intended to be read by anyone in particular( Well, if he thinks of blogs the same way I do). Second of all, Steve and I did talk about some gross things. We were being considerably more imposing than we normally are, and Jason may have been referring to our behavior that evening when he described the shot-gun toting as opposed to our usual behavior. At least that's what I hope he meant. And that I just misunderstood it the first time I read it. And that negated a great deal of my anger. See, looking at the other person's side helps infinitely. But I still think that Jason has issues about communication. If you read this, Jason, TALK TO ME. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, TELL ME SO I CAN STOP DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT PISSES YOU OFF. And to prove I'm not a hippocrite, I'll be talking to Jason about this mess the next time I see him.
Communication is soooo much more difficult than it seems.
And this post is definitely really frigging long. And I still have my frigging child psych to do. Bahhh . . . I better go. Ta-ta.
Eric 4/28/2003 02:37:00 AM
